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![]() Developementally challenged peopleI realized very young something was terribly wrong with my family.I wasnt quite sure if others lived like we did.In violent rages,severe degradation,emotional abuse at its best.I was warned every day NOT to say anything about our family~"Dont air your dirty laundry in public"..We were threatened if we did,and we FEARED.The strap hung on a hanger,in a closet..We were threatened with that strap,we were belted with that strap.Sometimes a strap was around my fathers waist,,,he would start pulling it off as to hit us.My mother,who by rights,CHOSE to marry this man,and better yet,breed with him,gave up all rights to step in and protect us.And she has the nerve to wonder where our anger,hate,hurt and load of other emotional issues come from.So when did providing for a child,WHICH YOU CHOSE TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX,and then get pregnant,become a privilege to this child?who by the way,never asked to be born?So when did their decision become the childs problem?If I hear one more person say,welll.."I provided for you"..I literally will slap them into the next state.You screwed,unprotected..so YOU PROVIDE HAPPILY AND PROPERLY,or you better get your freaking tubes tied...amd to women who get involved with abusers,,DONT BREED..its NOT FAIR to the children who do NOT ask to be brought into that kind of enviorment or situation,for they do not have a voice or say in what choices adults make,which detrimentally affects their lives forever.My mothers quotes now are this::"Well,I had to do what I had to do,to protect MYSELF"...Excuse me..so where did the safety of your children fit in?""I had to do what I had to do to SURVIVE"...Was our survival on your mind lady?If you claim your relationship could've been worse,if you claim your relationship with your precious gross stinky husband wasnt abusive,then what were you needing protection from?What was the survival all about?Did you ever notice your husband wasnt developed mentally beyond maybe the age of like 8?Did you notice he was severely abusing us?Did you notice you were using us as a buffer,protection tools,against him...as if we were around,we would get it and you wouldnt?Did you notice your one child has to same disorder as your husband?Narcisstic?Unmedicated Bipolars?Histrionics?Bullies?Abusers?Gaslighters?Triangulators?Degrading sloths of the world.I really hate using sloth,,they are very sweet slow creatures..Just trying to make a point,Forgive me sloths!Will you really miss this abuser when he finally passes on somehwere???She seems so attached to him...calls him her companion???get a pet...nothing can compare to the love of a pet.DITCH the husband,or abuser.Get a rescue pet for cripes sake.Ohhhhh,the love,true undeniable,forgiving sweet love of a pet..."My little dog,a heartbeat at my feet".... =^..^=
0 Comments Viewed 5665 times Encounter with the BEAST,my abuser.....I guess I should feel privileged that one of my abusers was in my life..(Family member)I guess I should be blessed,and bow down before his royal arrogance..(is that how bow is spelled,or is that bow as in a ribbon??)I guess I should be estatic he was in my life and abusive...I was should be greatful also that he still walks the face of this lovely beautiful earth...Afterall,I am nothing according to him..Just some sloth of a useless person who roams the earth and sea aimlessley..I am full of disgust to him...how could he have bred me..I did NOT accept his abuse,his perverse accolades divulged on himself.I did NOT accept his lies,his ways,his demoralizing system that others in my household so willingly accpeted.To me he is a beast,to me he is the beast..I was told growing up I should feel lucky,I could have had worse.....REALLY?????Kidding me right?????As people entitled his arrogant being,as they feared,but loyally moved to his every word,robotic,stockholmed,faceless,mindless people...There was no other choice I was told.It was the way he is I was told.bend over backwards for the man I was told.Afterall,he was houseing us,feeding us,clothing us,slapping us,verbally/emotionally/sexually removing every ounce of soul we had.But we should be lucky because he is our father....Oh really?????Afterall,we didnt want to bruise his ego,or that would be surefire hell,that might last for a day,week,weeks,month,,months,,year,,years.....get the drift..Do as he says,do as he pleases..The cycle was sick and never ending..Why do women stay???They KNOW,regardless of what they say,abuse is going on...because it is going on with them too (Most of the time,I believe)They know what kind of abuse...They know basically how much,how often.They did when I was growing up anyways,because most women didnt work.I hate when people play stupid.I hate when people pathologically lie..I hate when people dont take responsibility for their actions,blaming the world,and every living creature in it for OUR,yes OUR wrongdoings..They do no wrong,,,,You know that dont you????...And as the cycle of life passes,and abusers AGE,,,weary,,old,,nasty,,pathetic selves..My life will begin one day,as theirs ends..and then maybe they will meet the real BEAST...Makes one wonder...My encounter today was triggering,,unfair..disgusting..But I no longer fear..I no longer can be ripped apart..I was verbally attacked,,devalued of course for calling my abuser out on something he did wrong,as he tried to balme another person..So I got some wrath on me,,but sent that wrath right back to him..Amen on that!!!!! =^..^=
0 Comments Viewed 5445 times Never ending self doomMany of us who have been abused find ourselves believeing what our abusers have indoctrinated into ourselves.We feel we ARE worthless,stupid,not good enough to be loved,ESPECIALLY by anyone else,other then our abusers.Afterall,it is they who have stripped our bodies,minds,and souls of any dignity wwe might have had.They want to keep our minds and lives,barren and stark,as they fear losing their circle of victims,or singular victim.An abusers worst fear is having to start all over again.Finding a new victim(s) takes much effort on their part.Plus they soley exist through ego,and if they have no victim to diminish they will have no existence at all.I am finding there are a ton of abusers in this world...Are they products of their enviorment...or is this a form of mental illness..or is abusing a character trait or flaw..or is it just an easy existence for them getting instant self gratification?My heart goes out to all those who live/lived in torment.All those who have suffered at the hands and evil tongues of others.May justice prevail for your sake.May your days be filled with light and love,and may your darkness and sorrow be lifted.xx
0 Comments Viewed 3818 times Spirituality..*NOT*..Organized ReligionI have found myself finding comfort lately in connecting with Spirituality..It seems to be helping me heal,helping me let go..helping me forgive..Spirituality is not a place,or a thing,or an organized religion of any sorts...It is a place we all have in our hearts and souls to connect with a higher force,being,nature,and suprisingly ourselves..It cant really be taught per se,or even learned,,but it can be searched out inside of us and in our surroundings.It is love,kindness,compassion,forgiveness,empathy,care.It is a connection with light and pure love.I have found a prayer to the Holy Spirit,that is given me great comfort to meditate/pray on..It is a prayer of serenity,a prayer that gives me the impression if we surrender our hearst and soul to a higher pure source,we will be OK in the end..This is it,,try it out if you may,,Jesus was NoN Denominational,praying and preaching to everyone and anyone who would listen to his words of goodwill..Jesus did NOT teach organized religion.he did NOT teach a bunch of manmade crud used to supress and instill fear into our hearts..he taught about love and kindness and the word of a higher power.he taught quite the opposite,,to NOT fear,to be responsible for our actions and words.Im not quite sure where Jesus even fits in to most organized religions these days..Here is the prayer:::Prayer to Invoke the Holy Spirit,," O Holy Spirit,beloved of my soul,I adore Thee...Enlighten me,,guide me,,strenghten me,,console me..Tell me what I should do...Give me Thy orders..I promise to submit myself to all though desires of me and to accept all Thou permits to happen to me..Let me only know thy will..Amen *above was supposed to say if we surrender our HEARTS and soul* sorry for my many typos at times in blogs/replies....Hopefully someone will find comfort and help as I have in my journey of healing with the help of The Holy Spirit and Spirituality.. xx I myself have a rather nasty distaste for religion in general.I dont consider myself belonging to any,as I was raised in Catholicism.I found that a many abusers hid behind their religion,beliefs and their God.Their God is NOT my God,for my God is the true God...God would NOT allow abuse of such a vile nature to happen..People,subhumans create abuse,not God.Humans were given the will to do as they please,,,,and many DO AS THEY PLEASE,having no morale concience or guilt.They are the filth of the world.
0 Comments Viewed 3220 times Does like attract "like"?No new news.I come from an abusive household.Targeted child.Minimized and devalued.Im an adult now,living my life,carrying alot of baggage.Angry,agitated,sad,looking for peace of mind and soul.I am wondering if and HOW this would be true..That LIKE attracts LIKE..?All of my BFs were horribly abusive..Even a regular female friend was.Why would I be drawn to abusive people when that is the very thing I have been running from all my life?Stumps me.Makes no sense.I hate abuse.Despise abuse and bullying,yet I dated such abusive men ..(just like dad).And I bent backwards for these men.Loved them.Tried to please them and make things work.Always in denial about my relationships.Kept trying.Was I using them as a sustitute,still trying to make my father happy?even though he despised me?If I could make it work with these men,would I be able to make it work with my abuser?Or was I just desperately looking for a void to fill,and the 1st derelict that came along would fill it?I refuse to date at this point.Why should I?All I will do is fall back into the same system...the system of abuse.Oh the horrible people who have entered into my life.I just dont understand why.I am now looking for empowerment and taking my own life back.We all have it within us.xx
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