OH MY GOD ALMIGHTY, AT 85 HE IS **STILLLL** TORMENTING ME!!!...
`\*.*/` I kid you NOT. He can't take care of himself, house, yard or anything for that matter in between...He has a walker, can barely dress, wheezes, is out of breath doing ANYTHING, voice has quivering, but I kid you NOT, that beestardo has NO PROBLEM still belittling me, devaluing me, YET mind you, (I have endured 40 something years of this crud), to this day...I never deserved his emotional, verbal, psychological, and physical abuse...But now, Really???In the condition he is in, and what I am doing for him, you think he would be kissing my ...literally. ..But NOOOOOOO...It isnt ENOUGH....He devalues me weekly, at every chance he gets..He is evil.I come d daily, put my life on hold, to help this thing and my 'mother' out...I am ill..Lupus, Fibro..PsA...The autoimmune diseases are not a fun ride, then I get shoved on their bus trip....which I didn't sign up for?? I cook some, do almost all their cleaning..My mother does very little, but gets very offended when I point this out to her..She is senior of course also, and obviously under the delusion this is1975...I do ALLLL their laundry, ALLL their yardwork, which practically kills me due to my illness..They have quite the property..Double lot and all..And of course it has to be done impeccable. They have trashed their house..It was beautiful. .Now they WON'T spend money, which they should have, to keep it up...A bulldozer couldn't fix it...They have their precious histrionic/narcissist daughter living with them who helps with nothing..And does NOT pay rent, or help financial wise...She does work, but is home plenty....But her time is HER TIME....It belongs to HER ONLY, as does my other siblings time, and nieces and nephews, so no one dares give up their time and help.....Let's dump it on the sick girl...She will eventually get disgusted by the filth, mess, or whatever...She will eventually get guilted or baited into doing their crud...After all. ..Why should they? Their time belongs to them...For they are all far more important then me..After all, as I am told by my mom, senior responsibility always falls onone child...That child is me...Their target child, the child who called dad out when I was very young for molestation. .The child who called the ARROGANTLY ENTITLED NARCISSIST out on his ABUSE...How dare I ...I was told I would pay for life, and no crappie, I have...So as I mentioned today, as my sister had been home with them for several days, including today, how come they didn't get on her to help..SEVERAL outdoor things needed done, and I am in the bad today with severe pain, as we are expecting heavy rain tonight/tomorrow. ..I got a blank half stare, half grin...No answer. ...So I go down the hall to tidy up the bathroom, and pee-pee toilet paper is being HOARDED AGAIN by my abusive decrepit father....You walk in the house and you get HUMAN urine stank...Which literally can slap you in the face at times...So of course I had to clean this up AGAIN...SOOOO rightly so, I COMPLAINED, and then my mother started on him, so he starts screaming he didn't do it, that I DID....OK....so as soon as mom goes to talk to a neighbor briefly outside (he usually doesn't say the horrid things infront of her), he starts how I am a loser, I am LAZY O_O, I should be GREATFUL HE IS STILL LIVING!!!!!!! OMG people. .Who says that?????? Why should I be greatful?? ANYONE??? He has abused me my entire life..Has been horrid to me..I can't stand him and am not really sure if I will even go to his funeral at this point..But I should be GREATFUL his decrepit abusive self is still around??? Sheesh, only out of a narcissistic mouth....And I was doing so well over the summer..Had accepted my abuse, was working on forgiveness, had realized my abuse had NOTHING to do with me, was working on Spirituality, then he starts triggering me..Verbally, emotionally, psychologically abusing me...Then it just starts all over for me..I get infuriated at...

[ Continued ]

I am sure some of you have read previous posts or blogs of mine, and are aware I have a strong distaste for organized religion...Spirituality on the other hand I find very connecting to the earth, a higher power, and higher BEAUTIFUL glorious realm...I have come across a Saint recently, who I find very kind, compassionate, and powerful. ...His name, Saint Expedite. .Not much is known about him, other then he was Armenian. ..Died a Holy Roman warrior, and was a martyr.I prayed something to him last month, something odd and not easily answered, and he came through. That is why I thought I would share one of his prayers to you.If you can get picture off the internet of him, as to make a small altar or shrine, have a small red votive candle, and a glass of water.Picture in middle, votive to right, glass of water to left.Saint Expedite also likes payment after need is answered...He likes FRESH flowers put into that glass of water, a fresh slice of poundcake (I makemy own but store bought is fine) , and five pennies....Plus promise of public Thanking, staying devoted, encouragement of devotions...After flowers wilt, and pound cake has sat for a few days, return those back into the environment. .Throw cake , crumble it, out to birds, wildlife, put flowers on ground, and pour water on earth... ♡

PRAYER TO SAINT EXPEDITE FOR URGENT NEEDS.

My Saint Expedite of urgent and just causes, please intercede for me to the Holy Spirit, Infant Jesus of Prague and Blessed Mother. Succor me in this hour of affliction and despair my Saint Expedite. You who are a Holy warrior, You who are the Saint of the afflicted, You who are the Saint of urgent causes..Protect me, help me, give me strenght, courage and serenity.

Hear my plea_________ (clearly express what you need, and ask him to find a way to get it to you)

My Saint Expedite, help me to prevail through these difficult hours, protect me from all those who want to harm me, respond to my plea with urgency.Bring me back to the state of peace and tranquility my Saint Expedite. I will be greatful to you for the rest of my life, and will speak your name to all who have faith...

Now promise Saint Expedite a specific gift such as a slice of poundcake, fresh flowers and 5 pennies..Say one Our Father.One Hail Mary and sign of cross...Payment/Gifts to Saint Expedite are given to him upon prayer, need being answered.

I hope someone finds this helpful, and not offensive. .....I have found meditation very helpful in my healing process through my horrible abuse I endured. .xx

I hate him.He ruins and destroys everything that belongs to me,or means something to me.These are PERSONAL ATTACKS.He molested me as a child,I ratted him out,and as he is my ######6 father,he made me PAY with a hellish life.I HATE HIM.He is old and decrepid,but still now a covert narcisstic abuser..He abuses,then uses his age,and acts like he is feeble,then acts like HE is being VICTIMIZED,when he is the sly bastard abusing and doing the victimizing.I can't wait until he kills over.I WILL BE FREE THEN.I am so tired dealing with his abuse.Not one of my SEVERAL siblings will help me take care of them.I am sick,I am tired,I have no energy or will left..I am struggling with no help.He took my trust as a child,he took my innocence as a child,he caused me great anxiety,shame,PTSD,caused me to self medicate,he ruined my life by devaluing me so badly as I never amounted to anything,or my potential because of his wicked,evil,unrelenting,devaluing,demoralizing,bullying and abuse....But to the outside world he was perfect,the life of any party,the helper,the good boy..Always the good little boy,just like he was to his screwed up father.AND MY MOTHER!!!!don't even get me started..How she allowed this abuse.ALLOWED,yes,ALLOWED me to be the dumb target child,so she wouldn't be his target,or her special children,who maybe she was trying to make life easier for because maybe they were STILL GETTING MOLESTED....You think?Possibility...So I got horribly targeted.After all,,had to kind of instill horrid fear in me,because after all,I did speak up to her that daddy was doing things to me in my privates that hurt..NOW....she didn't want the outside world to know..NOT THE CHURCH..haaa..NOT THE RELATIVES!!!Ohh book..NOT THE NEIGHBOURS!!!What would they all think??FOR SHAME..So she allowed the abuse and feared me.My thoughts of her aren't too high either....AND today,my darling decrepid dad destroyed all my beautiful flowers that were just getting ready to bloom when he came over and I told him NOT to litter in my yard....I HATE HIM MORE THEN I EVER HATED ANYONE.My beautiful special flowers that I have had for years the jealous ###$ prick ripped out of the ground.I am beyond upset..Just beyond this abuse.God,please help me,let me live freely in peace.

Will it ever end?Their insanity is killling me.I want to die..die..die..but I wont because no one would take care of my beloved best friends~my pets.They are crazy....engulfed in their own chaotic world which they so readily expect me to accept.When I deny their insane requests,I have once again then bruised their such sensitive egoes...which is their whole existence.There is a saying"Never trust a junkie"...Well..my saying is NEVER TRUST A NARCISSIST..For they are always in ademand for their narcisstic supply,which will be YOU..your sanity..your being of body and mind and spirit and soul...Be ready..be prepared..for a battle will ensue.I havent seemed to win many battles yet.They have drained the life from me.My spirit is breaking as I find myself becoming weaker.I have no backup.No allies.For no one wants to get snared by a narcissist and become part of their supply.I feel alone..abandoned..sad..betrayed.I have siblings..I have adult neices and nephews..friends..But no one wants to be targeted.I have been shot by the bullet of abandonement.And have been trapped into their world of insanity .How do I crawl out alive?Wounded..but alive......

Everyday is a struggle.They say..they accuse..the lie..then deny...They expect..they demand..and if needs cant be met..they devalue and demoralize.They feel entitled and free.More important then me.I clean their slobenly messes..mopped the filth from their floors.They minimize my being,as they pedastalize their worth.They use their religion as a stepping stone to the Lord.They pray their prayers with meaningless words.Words their mouths mimic,words their mouths just say.Words that make you realize,there is NO GOD in their sorry day.Burdened by sight,they still see no LIGHT.The light they cant see,forbidden by THEE.If only they would find worth to each soul that exists,meaning and value and happiness at best.If only they would hear our cries of depair,being bullied and hurt and abused without a care.If only they realized everday is a gift,and everyone on earth has a right to uplift,their soul to their dreams,their souls to the skies,in happiness and peace,with God in their hearts and lives.To anyone who reads this blog..be free with love and happiness in your heart and soul..you are worth it..