So on Saturday I woke up and was super depressed. Tired of the city I live in, the only people I hang out with here are my family. It's sad considering I grew up here... but it's my own fault, I can't stand hanging out with people I don't like. I hate having pointless conversations and I hate hearing about drama and all that. It would just be so much better if I had my own car because then I could go to lakes and go swimming alone, but since I don't, I have to rely on other people.

So I went on a walk to the usual place I go on a walk, got high, enjoyed nature. Fell asleep that night mad early. On Sunday I just helped my dad around the house. got high lol. Monday was a whatever day and so is today so far. Besides the fact that I'm paranoid that I have HIV, I'm ok. I need to stop worrying about that...I need to go get tested, its been almost 3 years it's getting ridiculous.

Anyways, I'm contemplating moving far away because my aunt said I can live with her and I want to see my mom before she dies. My dad makes me not want to because I have a job here and I know that I logically shouldn't quit it to move away but....I barely get paid anything and it's not like I have a future in this company and I'm only 22....I feel like I need something new. I shouldn't be this sad and bored at 22...so I'm going to move, I have some money saved anyways. I just need to get my sh*t together.

That seems to be a trend for me lol...always pushing things off....well that's about all I have to say for today.

So the rest of yesterday was normal....I felt "normal" I guess, I think my normal is actually depressed considering i hate making my dinner, i dont even like rolling js when im alone, the only things i really like doing are going on a walk (which will take me ages to get out of the house because i always "forget" something), or watching tv, or swimming.

Now it's today and I feel normal. Maybe a bit hyper cuz it's friday i dunno. I do know that if I don't have anything to do it's hard to get out of bed even if I'm hungry. So every saturday I go to the second hand store in the morning---if I didn't do this I wouldn't get out of bed until someone asked me to do something.

I need to start writing down how I feel as soon as I can because when I get happy I forget about how I felt earlier.

So, this morning I woke up, saw my face actually thought it was a nice shape, then I saw a picture of a pretty girl and felt horrible. Felt like dying. Then on my way to work I saw a pretty girl and I felt like dying even moreso. Then I got f***king so mad I wanted to kill someone and then as usual my extreme anger which never lasts long goes back into my deep sadness. And then I got so sad I had to cry so I shed a few tears on the bus and now I feel better.(and its only 10 am) and I've been doing well the past while