I woke up with massive amounts of memories in my head. They just kept going and going. It was like someone was making me watch them. i can't make it stop. For each memory comes different emotions. They only last about a minute and move on to another one. It is scary. Called the doctor, i need to take more meds which, hopefully, will put me to sleep.

I feel good today. I had a good night sleep and am ready to work. So thankful for good days!!!

I am feeling lonely today. I have work to do, but I want to talk to someone. It is hard in the middle of the night. I used to love being alone. Now I want to interact with people. I haven't set up my life to have many interactions outside of work. I'm not working right now, so that really limits the conversation pool. Actually, I dread going back to work. It causes so much stress and anxiety its hard to function. Catch 22 here. Anyway my choices are lonely or overworked, anxiety, and deadline driven. I still think its this new medication making me want to talk or maybe I am still in manic mode and don't know it.

Quietly Muse

silent in the room i sit
the clock goes tick tick tick
my cat sleeps by my side
birds chirp and then I sigh

What an unusual way to be
Alone with just me
Engrossed in my deep thoughts
A random phrase keeps getting caught

Get up, get up, get up
there's work to be done, get up
beds to be made, a house to be cleaned
Lost items to find, food to be gleaned

Alas one leg moves and the other refused
Why do we all need to agree.
Sit a while longer and have some tea
Time for sitting is done
Look outside! There's the sun.

Deb

It is really hot here.

I have been on meds for the past ten years. At first they didn't seem to help, then after a few changes I could function. There were always emotional problems, but I could work without showing symptoms of my problems. (no one said anything to me anyway) Now I have been put on Abilify. Its only one mg. Which doesn't seem like much, but makes a big difference. I feel wierd because my emotions have been masked. Its like I know I'm having an emotion, but can't figure out what it is because it never comes to the surface. This has taken a lot to get used to. I don't know what to do with myself. I guess the doctors would call this a success. There are a few times I have emotions, feelings, but it isn't often. i am just confused because I don't know exactly how to live like this. I've never felt this way before. Not sure if anyone is interested, but thought I'd write about it. If you happen to read this and have a similar experience I would love to hear from you!