My blogs are all very honest. I feel that is the only way I can get better. Last night I lost all hope of getting better and wanted to stop the emotions. I was going to make the biggest decision of my life. I wanted to end it. I am sad to say that now. I know the statistics about people who struggle with emotions and why prolong the inevitable, besides, I wanted to see my mom so so bad. I was alone in the house and a message comes up on my screen. It said that this feeling will pass and to pray. I thought about it for a moment and said what better thing to do than pray at the end. So I said the Lord's Prayer, but couldn't remember all the words, so I had to keep restarting. By the time I got through it all, I thought about my xanax. I took four of them and thought, I will give this a chance. By the time It worked I was a little better. I laid down in bed and had known that an angel spoke to me through a private message. God's timing is not our timing. He gave me another way out with the medication. I am so sorry to anyone I wrote a note to about this terrible place I was in. I am so thankful for someone taking the time to respond. So now I am here, not perfectly well, but have a greater understanding of how powerful God is and now know there is another way out of all the tough emotions. It may be harder and bumpier, but it is not my will but God's Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Amen.