My, oh my. Where to start with today, and what to make of it?

First thing, I forgot to take my aniracetam pill this morning. I could feel the difference. More anxiety for sure. I am now putting ani on my definitely noticeable list.

Chem lab was this morning. It was most eventful. The decidedly good part of it was that we finished our current experiments. The rest is rather a grey area...

For one thing, I talked some, and I feel like the class is pretty friendly with me. It is nice. We are like a little community, and it is pretty cool. I also talked to someone in order to ask for a pipet (I was commanded to by my lab partner). I was a little social, I guess.

We all had to walk around outside of the lab every 30 minutes or so after a while because the chemicals we were working with were volatile and got into the air, and they can cause memory loss if you breathe it too much. So, I walked around with lab partner, that-girl-who-I-am-kinda-conflicted-about, and a girl and guy from my HS. It was okay, but I didn't talk too much. It was awkward because they asked me to talk several times, but I couldn't think of anything and was afraid.

Then, one of the guys asked if I liked having my lab partner as my lab partner. The context of the question was a bit strange, but you will have to trust me that it was in the correct context. I said I did, mostly because she did enough talking for both of us, and she apparently thought that was nice. Here is where the 'bad' part comes in. She asked me for a hug. I mean, I realize that hugs are standard or whatever, and that they are not actually as intimate as they are in my mind, but I still have a huge problem hugging friends. It is really, really, really uncomfortable for me. I just... I can't. I don't know. But, I dealt with it. Whatever, I can do a cold hug. So, that is what it was. It was so awkward, but I guess it was okay.

However, with friendship, apparently comes great responsibility. The whole chem class has planned to go eat at a restaurant tomorrow when the chem class would normally be (chem is canceled tomorrow). We all wrote our cell phone numbers on the board, and we all added each other (I guess a good thing in some sense).

I have never eaten at a restaurant like this with people. I am terrified. So, so scared. It is... I don't know. On one hand, it is good for me. I know that if I want to get better, this is the exposure that I need... but... this is so much anxiety just thinking about it. I have never done anything like this before. Scenarios are going through my mind.

What if I got lost on the way there? What if I forget how to eat correctly or something? What if my stomach gets upset from anxiety, and I can't eat? Who do I sit by? What do I order? I don't know what most dishes are from this place. What if it takes me too long to order? What is the right amount of time to order? What if I get there late because I got lost or something, and everyone else has ordered? How does this sort of thing even work?

I have never been to think kind of thing. I barely even know what to expect, only that there are going to be a lot of people, and food.

I don't know. It is so tempting to just text them and say "I don't think I will be able to be there tomorrow", but I can't do that. The exclusion at this point would be more harmful than the inclusion. If I decline this, I will never forgive myself. How could I have a better chance to improve, yet it is so agonizing. Maybe the best thing to do would just be to take a lot of gaba pills, but I can't do that because I have to write an essay in the class just before it, and being doped up would effect that.

Anyway, then I had a test in sociology. It was okay. I think I did okay, but there were a lot I wasn't sure of. I just hope I made a 'B'. That is what I am aiming for. 'A' if I am lucky.

I was pretty stressed out by the time I left school. Then I got behind buses... hooray! I don't really mind them all that much, but it took me a lot longer to get home because they went 10 under the speed limit the entire time. What really annoyed me was that the person behind me was about 2 feet from my back bumper the entire time. What do they expect me to do? I can't drive faster with the bus in front of me. Being close to contact with my bumper isn't doing anything except increasing the chance for am accident.

I am very curious how the restaurant thing will turn out. I would offer advice, but I am commenting on this rather late, so I will just read on to see the outcome. I think it is very normal to have anxiety in new situations, we just tend to have a lot more anxiety than the average person.