Well its been a while since i last blogged i have thought about it alot but just havent had the energy or motivation to try and write anything so this could a)turn out to be ver waffley b)very long and boring ..... read at your own peril

My new year wasn't a great start i have had a trip to a&e with an admission to the day hospital where i was a patient for about 3weeks. I'm never quite sure what being a patient there will achieve this time they finally sorted out my sleep yay!!!! For the first time in about 18months i have had a whole full nights sleep with no nightmares and not waking up it has made such a difference in that now i tend to have abit more energy and far fewer nightmares helps. For a while it helped with my hallucinations all that seems to remain at the moment is hearing a voice and feeling like there are hundreds of eyes staring at me. Some days this is easier to cope with than others.

I have decided that my care co-ordinator is slightly useless ..... prior to my a&e trip i told her several times that i wanted to die and couldnt stay safe, my GP refered me to the crisis team because she was concerned. I then phoned her 2days later after the weekend because my friend had had to stich my cuts and i had promised i would ring. I rang her and told her i could not stay safe until the friday when i was next due to see her and her response was to get out more and see my friends and if necessary use my crisis plan. I responded with well i might as well just do it then to which there was no reply. So the next day i did just what i had been planning from when i last saw her. The whole time i was in the day hospital i didnt see her once (you should have at least weekly contact) then i was discharged i saw her today and she forgot where i was meeting her and she could only spare half an hour despite my GP phoning her to say she was concerned about my SH as it has escalated this week and has been pretty dangerous and will probably continue to be. She doesn't seem bothered and when i said i would like to see her again next week as it feels like a safety net at the moment she can't squeeze me in and then is on a/l for a week so i dont see her for 3weeks .... so no support for 3weeks after i tell her that my sh is worsening and im scared about the voices and eyes ..... not sure she has a clue. Her solution to everything seems to be filling my day with doing stuff ..... very annoying.

Have occupational health this week oh yay and a meeting with my line manager the manager abover her and HR so a fun week in store for me. No plans for the weekend i feel like being utterly lazy and doing nothing. I get rid of my car tomorrow so have to start using the bus which fills me with dread last time i got the bus a man sat next to me and kept feeling my leg and getting really close = trigger so not happy

Anyway ramble over hope you are all well and enjoy your weekend