These last few weeeks have been pretty rubbish, i have had the odd good day here and there but its been hard to remember when ive had a good day. I have been feeling so overwhemlmingly numb and empty i am kinda fed up of it now.

This morning i had a glimmer of hope i had an email telling me that an organisation i have applied to for therapy have all the reports bar one which is in the mail at the moment on its way too them. Once they have all the reports they will make a decision as to whether they will be able to help. I am really really hoping they say yes. But part of me doesn't dare to believe that they will then that way if i am turnned down it might dull the blow a little. I have really been hoping over the weekend that i will be accepted due to all the strain and stress i am putting my family under. It feels like all the pain the others are under is all my fault. It feels like the cracks are beginning to appear and too much more strain and stress will destroy my family and it will be all my fault.

Today has been pretty productive i have done 3 loads of washing and hung it out on the line to dry. I have also put some hot cross buns on to bake. I'm just trying to decide on what to make for dinner.