Best friend doesn't understand DID... can't stop crying. He's just basically saying to me that since I got alters he finds himself being more distant from me because he doesn't know whether I'm going to be 'me'. I've tried explaining to him that before I discovered my alters I was basically a jumble of all the alters, fighting to have their interests and opinions out front. I was the most unstable person in the friggin' world. I mean sometimes I would go off it with him for 4 months, hating him. This would be just after a month where I was obsessively in love with him (Laura). For some reason he now can't deal with the fact that these inconsistencies in my behaviour have their own names, ages and body language. I'm scared I'm going to lose him as a friend because he can't deal with my alters.

Not sure even whether this is entirely me or whether Laura is having a bit of an influence because I feel suicidal for the first time since I started my mood stabilizers, although she took an overdose of seroquel on saturday and I feel the urge to take an overdose of seroquel.

I think Laura's influencing. I really can see where she was coming from on Saturday. She wanted to die because she thought Andrew hated her because he wanted to go home. However, it's not really just a case of "Andrew's going home he must hate me". It's a case of exactly how he behaves towards me/us, how distant he is these days. I am/she is/we are convinced that we've just gone one step too far with our instability, and he can't handle it, and whereas we can't blame him for it, it doesn't stop it hurting any less.

Basically. He wants to still be friends with ME, but the fact I switch into Sophie or Laura or whoever else, makes him feel like he is being forced to be friends with my alters. That kinda hurts really. Because my alters are a lot of who he knows as me. Now that I know I have alters I know who I am, and the jumbled up mess that I was before discovering my alters was what he thought was me but it wasn't.

I'm rambling now seriously. I think I'm only this bad because I was due my meds 2 hours ago and have only just taken them now.

Jodi x