I was woken up today, before my alarm went off. It was in the middle of a dream. Or maybe close to the end, Im not sure. I was talking to a very friendly man with bipolar, that I met on my last hospital visit. He was running on a treadmill and talking at the same time. While I cant remember the discussion, I was enjoying it. Oh well, the guy with DID had much more interesting things to say anyhow.

Today was a day off work. Just like any other day off, I sat around the house and smoked cigarettes all day. Im always in a better mood when I go to work. I need a hobbie.

It helps that Im not medication resistant, but besides that, there are some other things I do daily. I have shown that I am a danger to myself in psychotic states, and must do everything I can to prevent it from happening again.

1) Writing every day so I can look at my overall mental state and see if there is evedence of symptom breakthroughs to address.

2) Excersize every day. I have a physical job, so it is a little easier. It relieves anxiety and depression. On bad days just a walk is fine and reminding myself its helping.

3) 1500mg of fish oil containing EPA is helpful for mood and psychotic disorders.

4) Spend time with friends, even if I dont feel like it. And make an effort to be sociable. Its a good destraction from negative feelings and eases paranoia.If it doesnt, then talk with only one trusted friend that wont judge.

5) list the good things that happened every day, even if just in my mind.

6) Take all my medication as prescribed, and never miss an appointment with the doc. If I have problems with the meds, I talk to the doc that prescribed them. Sometimes he can see things I cant and puts it in perspective. I trust him to work with me on issues, but I have to put in work also.

I have not had an episode for over a year and plan to keep up the streak. I hope someone got something they could take away from this.

Take care
dx:Depression w/ psychotic features
I dont feel that is correct, but Im not getting hung up on it. The treatment works.

For a second today, I thought i might have asperger's. I thought it would explain my social awkwardness, having a limited group of friends, and my nervous "ticks".

So I found this quiz online to see if you should be evaluated.

0.0% chance of having asperger's. So no, I guess not. I just have a few quarks.

Is there a disorder for thinking you have disorders? I bet there is. Maybe hypochondriac? Thats kind of a dirty word these days. Im sure they have some medical jargon for the same thing.

Ill talk to the doc about it when I see him.

I wonder if anyone else has dreams they dont remember. I woke up suddenly at 3am, bed damp with cold sweat. There must have been something going through my active mind as my body rested.

Dreams are only practice for real life. A safe place where the mind can run the guantlet of our fears and reinforce repetative daily activity. A place where at one time, we would allow the best action to sink in and become our instant response in the waking world.

I wish I could remember my dreams. Then I could truely know my mind. Knowing is half the battle, right?