Im a very calm and calculated person most of the time. For some reason, things have been going well for me. Except the occational cutting. Ive been careful to keep them where they cant be seen.

I dont understand why Im doing this again. Its been so long since the last time. Why now?

I think I know. Ive felt lucky to have a job for about two years now. Except that it isnt working out anymore. Ive been here for seven years, and I dont make enough money to support myself. I want to get into a trade school and start a career. Thats where more issues come in.

I worry about handling the stress of work and school. The stress of a new job. The task of finding insurance. I stress about potential stress and its stressing me out.

Ive stopped doing drugs, and I only drink a little, so I must find a new self destructive outlet. One that I wont tell anyone about.

As long as I keep my secret, I will remain unhealthy. But with all the new stress, I must manage it. And pieces of flesh are a small price to pay for emotional stability.

At least it doesnt cost as much of coke or pills.