katana wrote:Is anyone potentially afraid of being (or being seen as) that spoilt child? Has anyone been treated as if they were a spoilt child if they ever tried to get recognised/validated/praised, etc. ? If anyone is, being afraid of being that way or being seen that way doesn't mean that you are like that btw. The same way being afraid of being a histrionic wouldn't make me one.
Most Narcissists, I suspect, rarely have their feelings validated. Narcissists wallow in self-pity. Every slight, every bruise, everything that's happened in our lives that fell short of perfection, or that's left us less happy than we could be, is something that we ruminate on and voice our displeasure about. What if I had talked to the girl at the subway? What if I had gone out with the prom queen? What if I had majored in this subject instead of in that subject? What if I made more money? These are things that Narcissists will frequently complain about, and of course very few people are going to validate all of these complaints. Others will simply call the Narcissist a whiner, or someone who thinks the world owes him something. The Narcissist, then, is used to not having his feelings validated by others. This begins at such an early age that it's nothing new to the Narc. But it will never change the Narc's mind. The Narc will continue to believe that he is owed everything that he's ever wanted and more, and will dismiss the opinions of those who refuse to validate his feelings and devalue them immediately.
It's important to understand the role that other people play to the Narcissist. They are other objects and nothing more. When they get in his way of what he wants, they are like a vending machine that swallowed his quarters. The Narc will "shake the vending machine," so to speak, in order to get what he wants, i.e., manipulate those around him without concern for them. The Narcissist, of course, needs other people to praise him, admire him, respect him, have sex with him, or do other things to feed his ego and give him supply. But that should not confuse the Non into thinking that the Narc values any of their opinions and needs them to validate his emotions. He does not. Their praise, respect, admiration, love, or giving their very bodies over to him are nothing more than the candy falling from the vending machine. Once he has eaten the candy he will throw the wrapper away and forget it ever existed. The Narc does not need others to validate his emotions. His emotions are valid simply because he feels them and is experiencing them. This makes them prima facie valid. Anything else will not be considered, because the Narc cares about one thing in the entire universe: himself.