Problems regarding relationships with women

" If you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive." ...Another great quote from Dale Carnegie.

I wish I'd read this quote 20 years ago. I wouldn't've made the worst mistake of my emotional life...yes, to do with X, who else?

Now of course...he lives and breathes what I did 20 years ago. Difference between he & I is that I made one mistake and I've learned from it: he, on the other hand, KEEPS making the same mistake...over AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER!
O.K....as Shwartie would say...."I'll be back".

#1...thanks for your insight with the other girl. I hear what you're saying. The difference here is that I'm sure you don't ring and hang up on her consistently, nor do you have the capacity or interest to watch who she is texting. If X didn't want me on some level, then why does he do these things? Is he a psychopath? No...he isn't. I observed him for more than 6 years so I'm comfortable in knowing this. Don't make the mistake of using yourself as THE benchmark for all males. We are all different and are driven to and by different things. I love hearing hearing your experiences though... they do shed light for sure. Don't think that psychologists know it all...THEY DON'T. That's why they have to have superior listening skills...

#2...your girlfriend. I can't answer why she behaves this way. Personally, I do think it's fear of sort at the base. The psyche is a very intricate and complicated phenomenon. That's why we pay shrinks. LOL. Let me sit on it for the day and I'll get back to you. I need to think about it. Besides, it's now 10am in the morning and I've been up for a couple of hours now...I really am becoming addicted to blogging that's taking me away from what I should be doing. I'm going to restrict my blogging to ONCE A DAY now. Between 7 - 8 pm.Crap... I hope I can stick to it.

Well, grown men seem to get angry when they are exposed. For example, the other day I was getting some water in the kitchen and my dad is cooking all the way across the kitchen and he drops this plate making a huge noise and he goes like "god damn this kid always on the way"... I was like... "what?! I am no where near you!" but somehow it was my fault lol

Forgot to say something about this m.q...this is THE PERFECT analogy to describe so many, dare I say - Men? But hey...I'm sure some women too.

This is what X does...breaks the plate, then blames me for it.

It started 20 years ago. He put out the bait, I responded...he backed off. For 1.5 years he led me on in a number of ways. After 1.5 years, I went with someone who DID want me and who constantly persisted, so much so that I took an opportunity even though I SO wanted X. Why? Because X not only gave me the message that I wasn't that important, he also led me on for all that time. He isn't so stupid that he really thought it was up to me to go to him after telling me he was too busy. He slammed the brakes, thus telling me that I'm last on his mental list. Great message to receive right? Then...to top it off...he strings me along for EVER. I not only felt ripped off and hurt....he built up so much RAGE in me that I was stupid enough to send him a letter telling him I'd met someone else, and rubbed it in his face. AND....this m.q, is why he feels the need to attack me. He has never let it go, clearly.

Then, when I went to see him 2006 with my friend, I was so nervous when I walked into his shop that I can't describe it. When I finally had the courage to look at him, he completely ignored me, until we were outside and he opened the car door. The look on his face reeked of coldness, uncertainty and all things negative. It was EVEN harder to say Hi. In fact, I felt like a fool, like a complete idiot for having turned up. He'd delivered the same message as I'd heard in 1990 and in 2001 when he stood right next to me on the street. He just ignored me. He NEVER stops giving me the same message...."you're NOT important enough". He wants me to believe otherwise, but he never proves it. In fact, he stamps on it, always has. There is a MASSIVE discrepancy and mal-alignment between his emotions, thoughts and behaviours. I have no idea which one to believe. In fact, I'm no longer interested in trying to guess.

Until he makes the decision to prove to me that I'm worth bothering with, and that means NOT ringing and hanging up, NOT giving some distant message that lacks clarity through all his tactics, NOT making me guess what he's thinking, NOT ignoring me time and time again, NOT pretending he doesn't know me when he taught both my kids to swim for 6 years, NOT hiding behind lies that destroy...but stand up and take ownership of what he wants...I'm NOT interested.

You may well be right m.q....he just loves the idea but not the reality OR he is too scared. It's one of these reasons...
He can choose....keep having useless relationships with women he clearly doesn't want, who merely answer to his biological needs, OR...explore the possibility of having an emotionally fulfilling experience based on love and respect.

One thing that my psych lecturer got the people on the show last night to do was to write their own obituaries. All 8 people found it hard, because by doing this, it allows you to reflect on your life and how you would've loved to live it. What it does is focus you on what you wish you had've done in your life that you're avoiding doing. It's very powerful. What a shame I can't get X to do this....I wonder what his would look like?

Crap...I've boken my promise to myself...DON'T respond to this post, it's my time to "empty out" my anger and hurt. The blog is kind of like a rubbish bin.

Damn you make him look like a huge asshole lol Girl he clearly does not want you. You should pay yourself some respect and stay away even if he stands up to claim his ownership or whatever you said he should do. I somehow doubt he would do it since he already made his decision, as I said before, whatever he wants he does not want it with you.

I find it very interesting how my sister keeps obsessing over this guy that ignores her. The guy was in a relationship with her before and she dumped him because he was too sweet to her and after a couple of years went by they met again and the guy completely ignores her lol and now she is like in love with him because he ignores her. I actually asked her and she said she feels like that because he ignores her. I was like, what the ###$...

Yes, I know all of this. The problem is (I think) he clearly feels cheated by me and I definitely feel cheated by him. I retaliate because he hurts me so much. AND NO...it's not a case of wanting him because he ignores me. I'm not that f***ed up. In any case...it's me just venting. O.K...out to do some gardening and I'll be back later gator.

Oh yes...is he an asshole? ...No, but he wants me to think he is, because he's as angry as I am. In reality he is lovely, but I don't think he believes it himself. He doesn't demonstrate any self respect. No man that respected himself would talk to a woman they way he talks to me. Mind you...I've thrown some beauties at him too. I've been SO MAD that I told him (twice on 2 different occasions) that he was weaker than piss. I should NEVER have said that. I was drunk the first time I said it and raging MAD the second. All I want for f*** sake is to be acknowledged How god damn hard is it He needs to drop the arrogance and start learning some empathy. This is what happens to people who are TOO SELF absorbed and keep feeling sorry for themselves. God..he created this sh** and then blames me for it He needs to develop courage as well as empathy, which is why I get SO mad: he does nothing to develop himself. Crap...I've spent years working on myself, it's a life long process.

In fact...I think that most of the abuse he throws at me is really aimed at himself. We could actually be like brother and sister. He is the male version of me, and visa versa. Well, that's the way I see it anyway.

Crap...I'm back on the net. I'm totally addicted

Don't worry, I'm still thinking about your situation and I'll be back to let you know what I think when I've given it some more thought. I just have to make some mental room. Lol

...as you can see.

What am I frustrated about? She does not want me to look down when we are doing it and does not want me to see her or touch her, kinda weird since I am already inside her... I am pretty sure it should go away with time but do you think it is something I should be worried about?

O.K...I think this is a societal problem as well as age problem. I was terribly self conscious about my body right up until a couple of years ago. This is very much the fault of media and men. What I mean when I say men? So many men buy 'playboy' magazines that are FULL of pictures of women who have been photoshopped, and young anyway. Us girls know that heaps of guys buy them and get off on them. How do you think we are supposed to feel when very few woman look anything LIKE the girls in the magazines? These magazines do nothing for either women or men. In fact, I know that research has proven that the more a guy looks at these mags, the more he is killing his sex life. By that I mean an inability to manage expectations. Think about it...read the things long enough and you'll expect EVERY woman to look like a playboy bunny. Most women DON'T! So in essence, guys that buy these things are slowly killing their own forms of pleasure, and killing women's esteem levels. It's very difficult to strip off in front of someone new when you have no idea what they expect. Media makes women feel inadequate. You might say..."but I don't read them"...IT DOESN'T MATTER! Women KNOW that a portion of men DO. Knowing this is enough to kill a woman's ability to be sensual, particularly if the guy is totally all about getting off himself. Let's face it...lot's of men are totally selfish in the bedroom. That's an opinion shared by many, many women. So it's a toxic concoction of "selfishness" / "feelings of inadequacy" / and "image fear". Women want to be loved by the man that she shares the most intimate moments with. There is NOTHING more toxic than feeling you'll be judged.

In fact, I had a guy once who used to send me pics of girls in lingerie. I never slept with him, because i just wasn't into him, and one of the reasons why was because of the pics. These pics were of girls at least 25 years younger than me. So...what was the message he was sending? ....That I need to look like these girls. Guess what that would do....BINGO..."I'll keep my clothes ON THANKS." The fact that the guy said I'd look better, made absolutely no difference. Again...guys that do this are really stupid. How would you feel if a girl sent you a pic of a 25 year old male model saying, "you'd look hot in this". I'll bet you'd get turned off. AND if you don't, then you'd be divorced from any emotional connection.

My bet is that THIS is the root of the problem, but hey...it could also be psychological. Need to get to the gym, so I'll come back with this again later.

Hmmm I see what you mean and it could totally be the reason why... or at least I hope. But I don't really own any of those magazines neither have I compared her to another woman ever... I have indeed told her that I love her body but you say it makes no difference so I don't know...
And ofcourse you keep trying to excuse X. I know 20 years is a hard thing to ignore but there is no point on feeding this thing you have created about him... I know you say he calls you and hangs up and he stalks you on your phone bills or w.e but do you have any proof of it or you just know? I mean it totally seems like your are the one stalking the guy... just saying you know... he clearly does not seem interested enough like to stalk you the way you describe.