Idealization as a symptom

But what makes you happy? What did you say? And anyone that wants to answer.

(I am upset.everytime something bad happens now, i wish to kil myself because i just don't want to deal with it anymore. Living is more bad feelings than good.)

julllia wrote:It is not a habit is reality.is not imaginary.

Yes, didn't mean to imply my T was right either. The T was trying to help, and had good intentions with the question, and worth pondering.

With BPD it's difficult because there isn't the core foundation of feeling good about self to fallback on.

I have this un-provable theory that BPD kids are/were essentially good people, just very sensitive. Add in a family or parent that isn't, and things go wrong.

BPD people, from my experience, are actually quite sincere, and feel a lot, just too much. Things affect them more than others. I was that hyper-sensitive child, who grew up with a parent that I ended being the emotional parent too. So that's where my POV comes from when it comes to BPD.

The question about what makes you/me/us happy is really just meant in a positive way. Again, no doubt you really are having painful experiences. Hope you know I meant well

xdude

julllia wrote:But what makes you happy? What did you say?

I said 'I don't know'. It was an epiphany later when I realized if I don't know what makes me happy, then I'm not going to find it.

Looks like you had a relationship maybe somewhat like mine, where I idealized her, and for a while I was happy, maybe.

It felt great to be idealized too, until ... we are both cluster B types, We just ended up pushing each other's buttons. Can I laugh now?

yes i know. i got upset about a personal thing and it went on the post too lol. it wasn't you. your post actually made me happy for the support .
i am curious others to answer too about idealization, i don't understand so much idealization. i think i just wanted someone to care as much as i care. and you can mistake love bombing for this.
or i am under the impression narcissists mistake admiration for love,but it was more alluring as reassurance/validation than admiration.

did you find what made you happy later?

at first it was loving and end up with hate. i couldn't stop the pushing of buttons too.usually i just end up devaluing the other in the past. i was half reading psychology that made me more difficult to get over it and i hate that is more painful. i am thinking now i need intimacy or to try to be more open with my emotions but i doubt i can do it. i doubt i can fall in love ever again actually

julllia wrote:But what makes you happy? What did you say? And anyone that wants to answer.

(I am upset.everytime something bad happens now, i wish to kil myself because i just don't want to deal with it anymore. Living is more bad feelings than good.)

I'm struggling with depressive episodes too, mine are just mixed with manic ones, I don't know wtf is wrong with me.

Anyways, what makes me happy - not much. Films, books, music, art, finding people throughout history that were dealing with similar issues and survived it, storytelling, trying to find sense in things and world, encountering unusual people, experiencing something for the first time, but in general - escapism of some kind, this world doesn't offer much to be happy about.
(when thinking about suicide, this always helps me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmvRMVMrzA4 )

Thanks julllia for the gracious understanding.

Your experience as someone with BPD is real. That is what you experience, and it's okay you do. Really no judgement.

I enjoy your posts, so hope you keep posting. Language barriers aside, I think you are someone expresses themselves well, and it probably helps others more than is obvious. It it helps me and I believe, others, to read your posts. You write from the heart.

thank you so much ♥ ♥ ♥ your posts make me so happy too and your support . i enjoy reading them, plus they help me to understand things too and learn.even if is not for me. and others posts in the forum, i feel the same about you. i am overwhelmed ❤
i don''t know what i have though.
shazneek i relate with what you posted. every difficulty and i want to die so i don't have to deal with it.it's not so easy to die though.the idea of death feels exactly like an escape. i like those things but it feels is not enough if you feel lonely. even with people when i am not alone, i still feel lonely. there is this void i don't know how to fill.there is more pain than reward in living. i don't even know how to escape from reality anymore. i desperately need to find something to be passionate about and but i don't know what.maybe i am depressed.
why did you like idealization? or you didn't? was it the codependency?

julllia wrote:thank you so much ♥ ♥ ♥ your posts make me so happy too and your support . i enjoy reading them, plus they help me to understand things too and learn.even if is not for me. and others posts in the forum, i feel the same about you. i am overwhelmed ❤
i don''t know what i have though.
shazneek i relate with what you posted. every difficulty and i want to die so i don't have to deal with it.it's not so easy to die though.the idea of death feels exactly like an escape. i like those things but it feels is not enough if you feel lonely. even with people when i am not alone, i still feel lonely. there is this void i don't know how to fill.there is more pain than reward in living. i don't even know how to escape from reality anymore. i desperately need to find something to be passionate about and but i don't know what.maybe i am depressed.
why did you like idealization? or you didn't? was it the codependency?

I can feel lonely on occassions, but I also have this urge to be alone often, as I've learned I'm only productive and creative if I spend a lot of time being alone. Outside world seems like a distraction sometimes, but then I get periods where I need others. What I'm doing in the last few months is forcing myself to face my biggest fears - one of them is being alone, and it's not as scary as I initially thought.

Yeah, I suppose idealizing things makes it easier to deal with the world and giving it sense that it potentially lacks.

xdude wrote:I have this un-provable theory that BPD kids are/were essentially good people, just very sensitive. Add in a family or parent that isn't, and things go wrong.

BPD people, from my experience, are actually quite sincere, and feel a lot, just too much. Things affect them more than others. I was that hyper-sensitive child, who grew up with a parent that I ended being the emotional parent too. So that's where my POV comes from when it comes to BPD.

this might not be the most relevant comment but the idea has been bugging me and I can't help wondering if this isn't splitting on PDs. Particularly when you've said things like "The only difference between me and a NPD male is the later still believes their own persona is them." yourself. I mean no offence by that.

My primary abuser who was a long way from good was a pwBPD, and I've certainly never encountered a borderline in the real world who gave a damn about anyone but themselves, though I have encountered ones who seem to justify the negative reputation. The NPD while often irritating have mostly been harmless and AsPD in my experience can go either way. Which is not to say there aren't nice people with BPD, just that there is clearly substantial variation within all the PDs.

Personally I've always felt that the harm (at least the more major kind) done by pwPDs was a choice not an inevitability, and one for which the presence of a PD was not really an excuse. Perhaps that's just my own gripes about personal responsibility coming through.

I have an appointment in a few days to talk to a specialist in personality disorders, who's previously been advising my current psychologist. My anxiety (and crankiness) about the issue has been steadily rising as it feels like if he goes for AsPD or NPD I'm damned but if he goes for BPD I'm just a misunderstood little flower .
Which seems like something of bizarre position to be in.

Is different when they are children than when they are in a relationship.
lol LOL with the phrase they are the most harmless.and aspd can go either way.etc
You should make lessons to midwinder ,what you said sounds closer to what a real npd would say than every post he ever made lol.
Aside from joking above. You lack empathy there and you are being very subjective. Exactly like you said. You were abused by that. You prefer that. The objective truth is that npd are harmful. and every disorder is stigmatized.bpd is too.where i live everyday people that don't bother with psychology, don't even know what bpd or npd is,but they do know the word narcissism.and psychopath.
Personally i found diagnosed bpd very narcissistic too.and to be diagnosed you can imagine how obvious it was. They both suck equally and i will put nons there too they suck too but they seem more happy or not.
Btw joking again be my guest to hang out with people with npd since you like them. I would run screaming next time i see them,i would not even discuss logically.
I had caregivers with bpd and npd traits and i don't want any of them to live with. I want someone empathetic.
Xdude in the forum is very alluring from his kindness to want to hang out with him and follow him.while the whole npd forum sucks.but i am guessing people in this forum are more self aware ,so not the worse cases.
I can't imagine my family members or someone with the disorder wanting to get better and go to therapy. The worse must be the ones who don't even consider it theoretically.