Ethan the Alien's Misadventures! [Journey Thread!]

ethanthealien wrote:Also I really don't think people who had an anxiety attack get prescribed inhalers for anxiety attacks?

Not for the anxiety but if the somatic consequences of the anxiety are that bad, they get treated, too. When I have skin issues due to stress, I put skin balm on them, not anxiety pills

But anxiety can make a light asthma in to a big asthma, too. I have that with my pollen allergies. When I'm not stressed I'm fine, when I'm stressed it's allergy time. Stress increases the inflammatory responses of the organism just like anxiety, allergies, being tired/burnt out, being sick... does. The more inflammatory responses you can have at any moment, the worse the symptoms will be. And sometimes your condition is just enough in the grey zone so that sometimes there is no issue (because no stress and the total inflammatory response is under the threshold) and sometimes there is an issue (because stress and the total inflammatory response of the organism is above the threshold). That's why some DID people can discover that an alter has an allergy the others don't. In reality the whole organism has an allergy but that alter is stressed enough so that the allergy is visible because the stress moves the inflammatory response above the threshold.

So yeah, anxiety can trigger allergies or asthma.

ethanthealien wrote:I've just had severe foot pain for many, many years, and I've been trying to figure out what it could be.

Good luck with that!

If all the others docs find nothing, try to check your back, too, because some pains can come from a nerve pinched in the back or the spine not aligned properly so it pulls on all the muscles because the posture is not right and you get pains in the weirdest places. So if there is nothing wrong in the feet per se and no rheumatism, might be a posture/back issue and it's worth checking that.

ethanthealien wrote:I actually ended up finding a cheap, basic wheelchair at the thrift store the other day for only $16!

WHOOOT THAT'S AWESOME !!!! Freedom to get out of the house for longer periods of time and to go farther too, wheeee !!!!

ethanthealien wrote:She ended up telling me that she feels like I treat my girlfriend badly

I understand her concern but the way she went at it was totally ableist IMO. It would be understandable if you were completely able-bodied and able-minded. But you are not. You need a lot of help for a lot of things. That's just how things are. You do your best to be supportive and do what you can so there is nothing wrong about that.

I completely understand the pits of distress this put you in. Gosh she really went at it like a wrecking ball. There were other ways of wording her concerns such as, asking if you need help getting a housekeeper or other social worker to do the things because you need support due to being disabled. Good thing she switched gears afterwards. But it was still hurtful. Hope the pain will ease with time. Hope the GF mom will be more understanding after that. Do not hesitate to check with her the ressources list (link in my signature) to see if there is something that is helpful for her to understand your situation.


Also, good luck and tons of support about the memories resurfacing and the realization that it really happened. It's a difficult aspect of therapy but it's a needed step to heal. You can heal your own wounds but you cannot heal the wounds of others, so in order to heal from the past one needs to see it as "really real and really about me" which is painful. It eases up with time but it's like ripping a band-aid, nightmare version.

Thanks!

No memories have been resurfacing, just still questioning and all the stuff I've written about and drawn and I've just slowly been starting to accept that yeah SOMETHING pretty extreme probably happened.

But yeah my girlfriend's mom doesn't really seem to understand how disabled I am. And that's partially why I wanted to tell her about my DID, in hopes that she might understand and grasp just how poor my mental health/physical health is. I've always felt like she doesn't get it/doesn't understand and I wish there was a way to get her to understand. That's why I'm hoping my therapist might be able to talk about stuff and explain things.

Also yeah I definitely have some lower back pain and my posture sucks, mostly due to how large my chest is. I'm hoping that maybe one day I'll be able to convince a doctor to let me get top surgery in some way, not just because I've always wanted to get top surgery, but also because I KNOW it'll help my back so much. Don't know how, or if, I'll ever be able to get top surgery, though. At best, if physical therapy doesn't fix my pain and I can't figure out any possible cause for my back pain, they'll MAYBE let me get a breast reduction covered by my insurance. But they will most likely just :/ tell me to lose weight and I still won't be able to get top surgery. I don't know. I don't have any hope that I'll ever be able to get top surgery.

Sending tons of moral support your way. I hope that your local trans community have websites or something giving tips on how to get top surgery in your area. Or at least the "big busted" community has tips and advices regarding making the everyday life less painful / getting a reduction surgery.

Fingers crossed!

I was unable to do testing for asthma because the testing involved being treated with albuterol, but I've had a bad reaction to albuterol, so now I've been prescribed a different medication and we'll see if that helps anything and then reschedule. Sigh, but all well.

I had my podiatrist appointment yesterday and he said that I definitely do not have plantar fasciitis (like a few different doctors had said I do) and that my foot pain sounded like a nerve problem, so I was referred to a neurologist. Now I just have to find a neurologist that takes my insurance.

Other than that, I can't think about any other updates uuhhh hmmm
Yeah not much. Some system stuff but I don't feel like rambling about that stuff lol. Just realizing that we've always been distinct, just not in the ways people would think

Whoa it's been a while huh

Something big happened on Friday

So on Friday, I had a therapy appointment. It was going to be an online session.
Early in the morning, I took some edibles, because I forgot about the appointment.
I was like oh okay I hope they wear off by the time therapy comes around- SPOILER ALERT: THEY DIDN'T, OF COURSE...

When I'm high, I get extremely switchy. Alters that typically don't, wouldn't, and shouldn't front, end up fronting. And that's exactly what happened.
I actually slept through my alarm and woke up to my therapist calling me, so I woke up all bleary and opened up my laptop to get set up and I tried continuing the session as normal, but quickly realized I was still extremely high and ended up switching pretty soon into the appointment, because I completely forgot anything and everything we had been talking about (I still don't know what we talked about at the very start of the appointment) and at that point, because I realized how high I was, and I knew I was switchy, and I knew she could tell that I was extremely high and switchy, I just came clean and explained it to her.

Overall, just a lot of very distinct switching, I was crying a lot and felt really embarrassed and ashamed. We felt really ashamed and embarrassed, but we felt better after the appointment was over and after processing it all.
Mostly, we just feel like a big secret was revealed.
I have my next therapy session today (later today, it's 4am right now lol), and I'm really looking forward to it.

I've especially just felt like.. Distinctly not 'Ethan' since that appointment. I ended up thinking of the name Sam and I think I kinda like it and I think I'll stick with it.

Good luck with the appointment, Sam!

It was a good idea to tell the T you were on edibles so the T can assess what symptoms are in need of treatment and what is caused by the edibles and will wear off.

I hope this kind of misadventure will not happen anytime soon tho.

It was a good idea to tell the T you were on edibles so the T can assess what symptoms are in need of treatment and what is caused by the edibles and will wear off.

What do you mean?

Some disorders can cause symptoms similar to what we experience when intoxicated by certain substances. This is why in mental health manuals it's often stated "the symptoms are not caused by any substance" in the diagnosis criteria.

As an example, one cannot be diagnosed psychotic if they have psychotic symptoms only when they take shrooms. One cannot be diagnosed with dissociative amnesia if they black out only when super drunk. A dissociative episode can make one look and feel "high" but when someone is "high" on substances they cannot be diagnosed dissociative since it's caused by a substance. If you are acting "hyper" because you drank too much coffee you cannot be diagnosed hyperactive / ADHD since it's caused by the coffee. And so on.

Diagnosing you while you are on substances is like saying someone wearing earplugs is deaf.

And the other way around is true! If you take things that calm your nerves and hides your anxiety, your doc cannot diagnose you with anxiety and cannot give you the proper treatment / therapy.

I'm confused? ..Diagnosed me with what..? I am.. Already diagnosed with DID..? I've been diagnosed with this therapist for over a year now? I genuinely WAS rapid switching a lot?

Sorry I got lost infodumping.

Your "normal" symptoms are when you are sober. So if your therapist wants to give you advice for your "normal" symptoms she needs to know if you're under the influence, to avoid making mistakes or giving bad advice.