Journey Thread- Ponyta

I don't know what happened. Question to my insiders: Did any of you notice anything different, or strange in our inner world?

Well, apparently someone was trapped inside the red stone. By finding the light blue stone, and putting all three together (the red, yellow, and light blue). The red and yellow one made both turn orange, but when I added the light blue one, they turned purple (I figured it would turn brown).

Then suddenly there was a huge shock-wave (which pushed me away from it), a flash of ultra bright light (that was strange. Like half of the light hit me (like joined me somehow), and the other half went away from me), Followed by someone laughing, from where the other half of the light went (it said something like "I'm Free!") Although that didn't sound so good to me (the creepy laugh). Plus no one even came over to thank me for releasing them yet. I have yet to see whoever it was, although I can sense someone. I don't know if they are friendly, or a troublemaker yet. Hopefully friendly.

Half the light that hit me made me feel stronger, somehow though. I can't say for absolute certainty what happened, but at that time, I felt somewhat stronger.

I don't understand what happened though. I don't know if the whole true power thing was a lie, to get me to release it, or if it wasn't, and ? (I'm so confused). I felt a somewhat stronger when that happened, but right now I feel the same way as I always did. So?

Although I do feel as if someone or something is hiding behind me, and none of my inner friends have said anything about that (so I'm guessing that maybe they can't see whoever, or whatever it is). Plus someone every now and then says something to me (which my friends also apparently can't hear). It is telling me to find something else now.

Horrible Wave of sadness. We don't know who is so sad. Maybe it is just me. I don't know. I have horrible episodes of denial again. I feel as if I'm losing my mind.

UGH! I'm so confused. I don't know what happened with the red stone. That was strange. Plus someone (almost sounds like the red stone's voice) is now telling me to go to an area ("world"), that I NEVER went to before (in our inner world). Good luck with that. That sounds like it is extremely hard to get to, plus, not to mention, possibly a scary place. BUT, I'll probably still try going there, eventually. Maybe I'll try tonight. I don't know. It depends. Sometimes someone distracts me, and I don't get to do all the stuff I had planned to do.

UGH, but the denial wave feels so horrible. Not to mention the sadness on top.

I found out that there is another step. Not only did I need to find the light blue stone, and combine the red, yellow, and light blue stones together, BUT I need to find one more thing. Supposedly, somehow the stones did something that made it possible to find the other thing, BUT it doesn't explain why someone laughed and said "I'm free!" I have yet to see who that was. UNLESS, wow. This is going to sound strange. BUT maybe the voice was the item (from a distance, somehow) hollering out (since its seal was broken). I have no clue.

The "Full Power/True Power"apparently was referring to that item all along. Maybe why the red stone said their full power would be activated (in one sentence), and in another sentence referred to it as being unlocked.

Anyway, I'm supposedly the ONLY one who can claim the item that I'm supposed to find. (It is possible for others to find (from what I heard, since it is supposedly no longer "sealed"), BUT only I am able to pick it up. Supposedly it is impossible for anyone, other than me, to even pick it up. Interesting.

The thing is, I was told it is VERY dangerous to get to. Almost like some kind of test (I'm assuming). I'm honestly not looking forward to that, because it sounds scary, BUT still I'm going to try. I have to supposedly cross very inhospitable terrain. Plus yeah, I'm assuming it is similar to Indiana Jones (with traps). I have no clue why my mind went blank, when I tried to write that (I knew the name a second before, and then whoosh). I had to look up the name just now. I don't even remember watching that show (I mean, I don't remember what happened exactly in it), BUT I do know some things about it. Like, we used to watch it.

I am STILL extremely confused, but I think maybe the reason why my inner friends can't see the "voice" , is because, it is talking to me like the red stone, somehow (from a distance). Maybe because it has to do with it somehow. I feel the voice is the "item" calling out to me. It is telling me where I have to go. It is also telling me to be careful. I just don't know if it has a name or not.

The denial wave keeps coming and going. Really bad feeling.

Oh I forgot to mention, that we HOPEFULLY will be able to start seeing our T again soon. We're kinda leery about it, since we had so many problems, BUT since we got rid of our old insurance now (and got new), HOPEFULLY it'll be alright now. We don't want to get our hopes up too much though. Not yet anyway.

For some reason, I said the other day that I feel the same as I always did (despite combining those stones in the inner world). I'm kinda questioning that tonight (maybe it took a few days?). Mainly because the name Emma doesn't seem right for some reason. I don't know why yet, but I just wanted to make a note of that. I feel more like changing my name to Emily. I don't know why. It just feels right. I feel something is different. I just have yet to figure it out fully.

Ponyta wrote:Oh I forgot to mention, that we HOPEFULLY will be able to start seeing our T again soon.

WHOOOT! Let's throw a party it's amazing news!

Regarding the stones quest, from my point of view (but I might be wrong, you know your own mind/Innerworld better than I do!) it sounds a bit like fighting back denial and amnesia walls in order to get to locked up memories / dissociated parts. Which makes it a good thing that you can hopefully see your T again soon, in case what you come into contact with at the end of the quest, IS some heavy memory or emotions. It's always a good idea to have some outside safety net in this kind of situation.

Good luck!
__
Urielles.

that's awesome news, hope it works out well.

Thank you Urielles and littleDaria! We greatly appreciate your replies!

EXTREMELY tired, but yet we haven't been getting the best sleep again (even if we try to). Not sure what is wrong. Got only about 4 hours of sleep the other day. I think. I feel really spacey right now. Probably due to lack of sleep.

I don't know what is going on, but someone in the inner world is trying to scare the others. I think it is the troublemaker that I mentioned. UGH! I just realized something. Where is that post? I typed a whole post yesterday (saying about stuff I found out, and about that guy). It is not here. That also ISN'T the first time something like that happened. Not just on here, but in our personal journals too (Both digital and paper). Paper isn't even safe, it seems. I know because someone, in our inner world, tore something (I wrote) up before.

Anyway, I found "someone" super nice in our inner world last night. I'm not sure what they are exactly, but either way, they are super nice. I'm not sure if "it" is male or female. I don't even think it is human. I couldn't see it, but they spoke to me. It may even be part of the inner world itself. I have no clue, but it knew my name and why I was there. It startled me though when it said "WELCOME!" I wasn't expecting someone to speak to me at that second.

Plus strangely the voice (tone) reminded me of how a movie said "Welcome to Jumanji." BUT they said "Welcome Emily!" Followed by asking me if I'm ready to go find the item that I came to find. I was like "Wait, what!?"

So yeah, that was strange, BUT yet at the same time cool. I wanted to tell them I loved how they spoke, but I chickened out. I might tell them soon though, if they speak to me again. Like I said, I have NO clue what they look like.

I'm really curious as to who I was speaking to. I mean, I got their name, BUT I'm not 100% positive that really is their name. It almost sounds like some kind of nickname. Then again, maybe I really was speaking to a part of the inner world itself. Supposedly certain ones (who are "one" with certain areas of our inner world) can hear those areas speak to them (despite no one else being able to hear it). So I'm not ruling anything out. Maybe the inner world itself has a voice. Maybe that is what I heard. OR of course maybe it was someone or something speaking from behind a tree (or even in a tree). Maybe that is why I couldn't see them.

Horribly sad. Not sure why I'm so sad. Been dissociating all day today. Was very hard to stay focused. At least our appointment with our T seemed to have gone good (from what I heard).

Just so, so miserably sad.

Sending moral support your way. I hope that you will find a way to ease up the sadness.

__
David.