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ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

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ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

Postby ShinyPearl12 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 1:22 pm

I had a huge breakthrough this past week.

I started keeping a notebook next to my bed at night, and simply wrote on the cover of it — so it would be noticed— “Is anyone there?” Nothing for a couple of weeks. I don’t know whether this was related, but earlier this week I was stressing with life issues and lost time between my bus ride and the beginning of work.

Yesterday morning, there was different handwriting in my notebook. Wow!! It was long. Whoever wrote this said his name is Eric. I remember bits of cross dressing in my early teens. Maybe this explains it.

The writing said it’s been helping me cope. It mentioned some experiences we had in life, but it’s strange reading about private things as if somebody was there when I don’t remember anyone... like they’re commenting about something private.

I need to email the therapist I reached out to and think of something more to say. Don’t know what exactly. Just feeling I made a huge breakthrough.
Body: Female 44
Alters: Eric (Male), Humming Alter?
Past Dx: Bipolar 2, BDP
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Re: ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread ### TRIGGER WARNING

Postby ShinyPearl12 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:17 pm

###### TRIGGER WARNING #######

At first I was thinking of putting this in a blog, but maybe I should put it here. I hadn’t lived with my dad. My mom wouldn’t talk about why. I know there was a divorce. She’d encourage me not to dwell on trying to contact him. Now, I don’t know if he’s dead or alive or where he is. I remember my mom saying he wasn’t nice.

I’ve been gathering together all these life memories and trying to find where gaps are. There ARE gaps... huge gaps, but I can’t tell if they’re just because I have poor memory from being younger or if it’s dissociative. It’s just been the way I am. So, I’ve gone through some photos to help me.

If anyone’s wondering, my mom isn’t alive anymore. She died recently.

##### END OF TRIGGER WARNING ########
Body: Female 44
Alters: Eric (Male), Humming Alter?
Past Dx: Bipolar 2, BDP
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Re: ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

Postby ArbreMonde » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:21 pm

If you want to dig into the memory gaps, I advise not to do it alone. DID people are DID because bad things happened in the past, and the memories are locked away to avoid suffering from remembering them.

So, digging into it all alone, is not a good idea.

Good thing though, you are starting to have communication within the system, and it is very important. Keep going, both (or more) of you :)

--Zami--
Multiple system Dx autistic, depression, c-PTSD...

They/them: --Zami--
He/him: -X- or -David- | oOo van H. oOo | //Ulysses// | °Isaïa° | ((Wolf)) | {Envy} | #Uriel# | .....
She/her: ~Theia~ | oOo Mrs. H. oOo | *Reyna* | .....
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Re: ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

Postby ShinyPearl12 » Sat Oct 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Thank you, Zami :)
Body: Female 44
Alters: Eric (Male), Humming Alter?
Past Dx: Bipolar 2, BDP
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Re: ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

Postby ShinyPearl12 » Sun Oct 13, 2019 1:54 am

I’m going to reply back in my notebook and just write that I don’t know any of them, but I appreciate all the help they’ve given. Something showing sympathy.
Body: Female 44
Alters: Eric (Male), Humming Alter?
Past Dx: Bipolar 2, BDP
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Re: ShinyPearl’s Journey Thread

Postby Johnny-Jack » Sun Oct 13, 2019 4:51 pm

Congratulations on your new communication! You guys will do better, of courses, working together. I've found it incredibly rewarding and communicating with each other makes my own life (I'm a host alter) more fulfilling. That's aside from the fact that it's needed for us to heal. We should never have been so separated in the first place.

I hope others here get a lesson from the fact that you waited a couple weeks, nothing. And then there was communication. This same thing can happen for others.
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