An Unusual Experience (Sharing a dream?)

**Trigger warning -- no direct "risque" details, but this does mention sharing a dream that IS erotic in nature. **

So early this morning I woke up from a very intense (and erotic) dream... It is unusual as it's not something that happens to me much.. So the dream was a "game" of tag, sort of, between a girl (I was in her body/seeing her perspective) and a guy.
It was immediately flirtatious romantic in a physically intimate way- basically he'd chase her, catch her and they'd kiss, touch, and he'd take a piece of clothing off, and they'd do it over and over until "the end"... It was VERY intense and I wasn't just SEEING what she saw, but FEELING IT as well.. every touch, every sensation (external and her internal reactions)... and I had no idea what was going on (remember I'm male) and it was insanely bizarre... at one point the girl is running down a hall bare-chested and towards a mirror. I see her and think I need cover up- and _I_ choose to cover her chest with the hands... and feel the sensations of the hands on them... and she stops at the mirror.
I'm amazed at what is happening and what I'm seeing and feeling... I start to look at her and think out loud "who is this?" as she's saying it... I look at what she's wearing (sort of wearing by this point) and it's a costume... "I look like a porn version of tinker..." and as I think it, she says it, it hits me... "OH MY GOD I'M PIXIE!"
She runs off despite my wanting this, even more than before, to just end. So long story short, the dream goes on, gets more erotic, to the point of who I can only assume is Angel (her husband) catching her the last time and taking her to bed... and I'm there for ENTIRE THING.

That alone is weird and I was beyond freaked out... so I write about it where Pixie will see it- b/c I know she'll know if she didn't already. Her reply floored me... She had that dream last night. Felt "alien" feelings of being uncomfortable, scared, vulnerable, and entirely out of place... remembers asking who "she is" seeing herself in the mirror and realizing "I'm Pixie" and thinking to herself it was weird she couldn't run and had to stand there, felt the need to cover herself, and said stuff she didn't want to at that time in her dream...

** End Trigger warning**

So she had this erotic dream about her and Angel... and somehow in my sleep I wound up watching/living it with her... as her.

I don't mind saying, it really made me feel "dirty" or like a voyeur to be in that dream and see/feel what she was during it. I was very uncomfortable and I have to figure out how to talk to her now... Because I don't know how to do that without it feeling awkward...

Basically, as best she and I could figure out- without directly communicating to each other (we can't quite do that yet other than our journal)- that somehow we "shared" her dream... I was present in her in the dream... or "in her" when she had it, and since it was very realistic and physical to her, it was for me, too...

I have never experienced this sort of thing before. Frankly, it kind of scares me... a lot.
Is this something that I should be aware of as a possibility for it happening again? Is this rare or unusual? Is this a good sign, in regard to she and I being closer or something? Anything to help figure this out would be helpful.

That sucks I'd find that invasive if I was the dreamer or the sharer. I don't think that has ever happened to us. By logic it's not impossible for it to happen. I hope it doesn't happen to me at least. I would be scared if it happened to me. I would be worried it meant I was melding into another alter becoming one. Like what happened with Evan. Not exactly integration. But you are the original? Or at least the host? Then maybe it is just you both trying to connect and meet. Since you said you can only do it on the journal. It is good that you two are working together through this.

Maybe the dream is about a shared concern. You and Pixie have been posting about what each of you would see when coconscious and if you would get stuck in someone's body in the inside world just as they are stuck in yours in the outside world. So being coconscious with her while she is being intimate with Angel would seem to be a manifestation of that worry.

My feeling on this is it could be part of the process of working towards coconsiousness, like nyx said. Perhaps the connection is easier to make via the subconsious right now, rather than when awake.

Aside from the embarassing aspects, to me I think it is a positive thing, a sign that you're both getting more comfortable with each other or with direct communication.

FWIW I'm pretty sure shared dreams have been an ongoing thing in our system, because we seem to have a *lot* of dreams that make zero sense to the usual front people. At a guess I'd say they are Mike's or Charlie's dreams. Unfortunately they tend to be on the violent & disturbing side.

I know there's the embarassment factor and privacy, but on the other hand, you all do share a brain so there's gonna be some times where that stuff comes up.

Violet

I can see where this would be unsettling.

have I had experiences like these? somewhat. I have had dual perspective dreams. where I have been both myself and Tom. where I saw what he saw, felt what he felt, and thought what he thought. while ALSO having my own perspective. simultaneously. ######6 weird.

I am female bodied and have had erotic dreams where I am male bodied. that can get unsettling. but I have never had parts awareness mixed with the erotic stuff.

if you had shared Pixie's dream but it had been more mundane - would you be AS unsettled? what threw you off your rocker more - seeing yourself as pixie or experiencing an erotic dream as female? has that ever happened to you before?

I appreciate the perspective too. it helps me realize that maybe not all dreams are my dreams.

We have all had shared dreams. Sometimes the watcher is only watching and cannot affect anything in the dream (like watching a movie). At other times the watcher is inside the dreamer (like you are describing). It took years for this to happen with us. While sometimes the dreamer finds it annoying and feels a bit like she is being spied on, we did realize the first time that it was sign of some of the blockades coming down and us getting closer to co-consciousness.

The first time it happened B was having an erotic dream, I was watching and could also feel, much like you are describing. I did not like what was happening. I screamed, "NO!" and suddenly I was awake and sitting straight up in bed covering myself with the blankets. The next day I found out (through our husband) that B was very angry because I "interfered and ruined" her dream.

So, while it was a bit less confusing for me because everyone in our system is female, I can certainly relate to the rest of your experience.

Delilah

KawaiiKitty wrote:That sucks I'd find that invasive if I was the dreamer or the sharer. I don't think that has ever happened to us. By logic it's not impossible for it to happen. I hope it doesn't happen to me at least. I would be scared if it happened to me. I would be worried it meant I was melding into another alter becoming one. Like what happened with Evan. Not exactly integration. But you are the original? Or at least the host? Then maybe it is just you both trying to connect and meet. Since you said you can only do it on the journal. It is good that you two are working together through this.

I felt very invasive. It was almost like a perverted voyeurism that I didn't ask, want, and couldn't stop.

As far as I know, I'm the original. I am certainly the primary host, and maybe the only one we've had consistently- to the best of my knowledge and from what the others tell me.

We have been trying to get more connected, particularly Pixie and I. We would like to get more unified in our existence, working towards co-consciousness...

-- Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:13 am --

NyxX wrote:Maybe the dream is about a shared concern. You and Pixie have been posting about what each of you would see when coconscious and if you would get stuck in someone's body in the inside world just as they are stuck in yours in the outside world. So being coconscious with her while she is being intimate with Angel would seem to be a manifestation of that worry.

So that has like crossed my mind, too. I have like wondered about how that will impact us, but like Kitten and I are co-conscious and have been like basically forever... and we've learned over time (esp since getting intimate with Kaleb and Angel (respectively)) how to like "turn it off" or like "shut the other out" so it's not like "oh my sister's playing with her man, oh and they're in bed, now..." so we don't like have a running play-by-play or like awareness of it. So it's just gonna be one of these things we need to like figure out as we get closer and more connected like I guess.

Still it was SUPER WEIRD for me, too.. like feeling something odd, feeling unusual feelings and fears... and then to have Zor ASK ME about the incident, giving details of like what happened in my dream, explaining like how my body felt externally AND internally... It really really shook me. Took all day to like get over it... cuz like the dream, Angel and I did what we usually do when he's here (he's out trapping for several weeks right now) and like that means lots of romantic husband-wife playing and you know where that leads... and poor Zor was like "along for the ride" in all of it... Which IS creepy.

But if it's a sign of us like getting closer and making progress... Ok, I can sorta live with it- as long as it's not like regular and like for everything all the time- and it was surprising that something I did, even (or especially) dreaming, INSIDE would be like manifesting or like he'd experience it OUTSIDE. I'd always kinda thought whatever like we did inside was insulated and separated from like outside. Guess not. LOL

{\Pixie/}

BeccaBee wrote:if you had shared Pixie's dream but it had been more mundane - would you be AS unsettled? what threw you off your rocker more - seeing yourself as pixie or experiencing an erotic dream as female? has that ever happened to you before?

I appreciate the perspective too. it helps me realize that maybe not all dreams are my dreams.

Has it ever happened to me? A dream "being a girl"? Sure, many times... even being turned on and flirted with sometimes... never THIS extreme and never anything beyond hand on the thigh flirtation and stuff. Also never with the depth of sensation and feeling it so... vividly.
A dream being Pixie (or another)? A few times maybe... not sure.
An erotic dream? Yeah- some good, some nightmares... nearly all of them as me, or some variation of me, not as a girl or anyone else.
Experiencing someone ELSE'S dream? Not that I'm aware of, though I think I am going to try and write down odd dreams soon as I wake from them from now on to "compare notes" with Pixie and the others to see if maybe it does happen more than I/we think... I hope to encourage them to do the same.
BUT, being in someone else's dream, as them, and in this sort of thing... Nope. Never.

If it was a mundane dream and I knew or found out it was her dream, no. I would be confused, almost certainly, but not unsettled. The very intimate and personal nature of this dream, b/c it was so erotic, was what was unsettling. I think, too, being male, and FEELING the internal sensations and feelings she felt, and later having her validate this as exactly what she felt and feels... that, too, was likely part of it. It's entirely alien to me- but to be honest, if it was a dream of my own and I was a girl in it and experienced all that, even if I was "Pixie" in the dream... it would be weird but not disturbing. It is the combination of the content/experience of it, and that Pixie confirmed it was not only validly her experience (they apparently DO play this "game" to this same end) but that it was in fact HER DREAM that I experienced in her perspective, her body, through her.

She made an interesting comment in our brief talk about it - we were both quite embarrassed I think so we talked very little yesterday morning and afternoon - that I got a taste of what it's like to be her. Not in the "playing with the husband/sex" way- though that, too. She basically explained something to the effect of "when I'm watching and keeping an eye on things and something happens to you, I know and sometimes feel it, too. And that's from internal, from within you since I'm just sort of on your shoulder in a sense."

Well, "my" subsystem is same thing than home-me, so there is no me without how parts of the inner world are, and I'm not one of the parts as me, I'm any of them. When I'm all and/or any of them, it means I do know EVERYTHING about them. I do know what are they sexually in to, and non of it bothers me, because in a way it all is who I am also. Like I've told many times, I feel I am all of them, but they have their separate feelings from other mes, and they don't feel they are me. They are them, but I think they do know the fact I know all there is to know about them.

I remember only one time having a sex dream from their perspective, it was Rami's, who is straight male. For us there's nothing unusual in it, even when that doesn't happen a lot, but I know those things anyway, because I experience their sexual feelings when I'm at home, just like I do their other feeling too. In other words, there was nothing new to me in the dream, I know what he likes anyway, and also dreams are just dreams, they are not always about what you would want to do, they are just dreams happening.

Parts don't have anything to be shamed of, because I share their feelings about what they want, so there's no difference with home-mes sexuality and their sexuality. It's always been like this to us, and from my point of view it's normal. However they don't feel they are me, but why would they feel ashamed of something I can find sexually interesting too (when I am them). I totally get their point of views.

Now that I have found my own identity, I identify myself being almost asexual, I think all sexuality of mine comes from them. So.. like solo sex for example .. I do it as one of them, or if there's more than one of subsystems parts having sex inside, I can relate to both (any) of them. For me it would be really weird to be sexual without them. That is why I have no interest in having sex with other (outside) people, I couldn't feel sexual, I would be work-me if there would be other person there with me. I couldn't be home-me, which is them, and their sexuality is my sexuality.

we've had shared dreams before, or at the very least dreams about each other, and i've also had a number of dreams where i have a "male" body in a sexual context, but i've not had the experience you described.

i have experienced something that is somewhat along the same lines, in terms of boundaries being crossed unintentionally, private moments being seen/felt, just not in a dream sense. at least with us, there's either some level of awareness when not fronting, or there are second-hand memories that somewhat patchily fill the gap.

both jones and i are adults, we are sexually active, and we are both dating separate outside people. we also have to manage our own sexual feelings at home, in private, as most people would do. the problem is how often we end up in situations where we end up feeling or seeing or being aware of a situation that is deeply private and personal and intimate. this involves, say, second-hand memories of jones with his boyfriend, which on several levels is difficult to deal with as a lesbian, as a woman, as someone not dating this person, as well as it just coming with this sense of "that's private, i have no right to remember that or how that feels". it also involves some level of co-consciousness that we can't control, say, jones being way too present while i'm intimate with my partner. we both end up drawn to the front during situations like that without meaning to, and what we usually do is stop things and explain why and our partners completely understand. but it's still... incredibly awkward, and even downright uncomfortable to be in that situation at all.

and in terms of the body and us sharing it, we've had to get used to the fact that we're both sexually active adults in the same goddamn body, but it's not an easy thing to accept. we try and make jokes about it, or make light of it, but it's undeniably awkward as all hell. we're not dating each other, we're not attracted to each other, and yet we're in a situation where it's kind of impossible to have any privacy with this kind of thing.

if i walked in on someone else, i'd be mortified and so would they. this feels the same, and yet we kind of have to live with it. luckily i really trust jones, and we've coped with it by making jokes about it and keeping it light-hearted, but it is difficult and awkward and in some contexts it can be incredibly distressing, even. we just take it day-by-day, situation-by-situation, communicating openly about it, figuring out ways to make things a little easier.

jones isn't as bothered about this as i am, he's a very private person but he doesn't feel embarrassed over things like this. i do get embarrassed about it, and it's hard not to feel a sense of fear that a man is this aware of my body and my private life. but, as i said, i trust him. he doesn't act creepy or weird about it, he doesn't take advantage or get involved when he shouldn't do. we both respect each other's boundaries and try hard to work around this, and for us that's okay, we're managing that without it being too difficult, but it takes time and it's still difficult even now.

i guess the only real way you can go about it is placing your trust in those you share your body with, knowing they might sometimes see and feel and remember aspects of your private life that you would normally never share with anyone else, knowing that they might sometimes be present during situations that are deeply intimate and very private and personal to you. it's difficult and requires a lot of communication and openness about topics that are, for most people, pretty awkward to talk about. but with enough trust and communication, it can be worked around like most things can.

i don't know if all that rambling helps, and i know our circumstances are different, but i hope you guys can figure something out so things feel more comfortable.

- alice