Insiders Weekly

we have a journey thread but it's more of a place for alice than for anyone else, that's what it feels like anyway. guess it's kinda hard because she's gonna see the stuff we write anyway, but having somewhere else to dump $#%^ for just us would be kinda nice. it's not like she stops us writing anywhere, she's sat there offering up therapy sessions and time out of the day for us and being kinda annoyingly overbearing with wanting us to feel included and $#%^. the sentiment's nice, but i think we gotta have a way to talk for ourselves, even if it's through her (making her type this $#%^ out right now actually) and make our own friends, ya feel?

anyway i'm jones, our resident computer person (lain) might add to this too, though they get kinda touchy about saying "too much". idk i've got stuff i wanna get off my chest, can't really do that when alice has her own $#%^ to deal with and fronting is hard. in a way this is easier, ya know? type through her, leave her with the messy feelings. i'm a great friend

jones

Hi jones!

I really like the title! It made my littles think about starting their own newspaper for me to read about them.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi.

hey, nice to meet ya. that's cute, we've got some kids in here and they're sweet most of the time. just don't stick pokemon on and try and get them to go to sleep at the right time lol

idk making jokes about $#%^ makes things easier for me, the thought of leaving some kinda newspaper-style article for alice to come back to (i mean, she's not really gone rn but i'm badly puppeting her from inside, kinda funny but really tiring) is funny and makes this whole situation a lil less weird

jones (and out of it puppet alice )

I must apologise for how Jones speaks, he is rather blunt about things. I will try and keep an eye on things so that we don't break the rules assigned to us. It would not do for him to say too much, equally I am very tired of him bothering me about things. I also should apologise to Alice who is hosting my puppet programme right now, it is not ideal but it is a method in which we from the inside can use her to access the outside without removing her from the pilot seat, as it were.

I have my own things I wish to speak of but not now. I am not as open as Jones is, or Alice for that matter. I keep things closer to the chest, but I am not without feeling either. It would be nice to have a way to connect, it can get very lonely and incredibly tedious running the machinery in here. It is necessary, and no-one else can or will do it, so I should not complain.

I should let Alice come back, she does not enjoy being "possessed" like this. I would let her move away from the front but that breaks some rules, I'm afraid.

Lain (I corrected this to be typed properly, Alice's typing habits are hard to break)

in that kinda blurry territory where it's hard to know who's who and how here i even am when the body's this tired and we're this out if it. been really quiet lately, alice was having a rough time - $#%^, we all were - because of an annoying bitch of a lady who kept reminding us of bad $#%^. alice and bubbles got the worst of it. i was happy to wring her neck or at least make her work her ass off to make up for $#%^, but that reminds me too much of having to do this $#%^ before - dealing with bad people, i mean.

i managed to cheer alice up a bit anyway, and today we got to read stuff together and have a chill time. it's kinda awkward cause i'd like my own free space, ya know? i wanna have a smoke, jack off, and sleep. but alice ain't like that, and this body feels more like her's than mine. she's trying hard to get it to feel like mine too tho, i appreciate that. don't like the mothering over-worrying side of it, but i still appreciate it. i guess this $#%^ just comes with the territory of sharing a meat suit. i deal with alice worrying too much about $#%^ and she has to deal with me having way more of a libido than her haha. and being into men, but that's a whole other pile of $#%^ to talk about.

anyway we're tired, just thought i'd update since that's kinda the point. gotta "connect with the outside world" and all that $#%^.

jones (and half-asleep alice)

getting dragged into a co-front so you can vent because your insecure ass can't deal with something and you'd rather play it casual and keep it to yourself but you're also being a whiny idiot about it so you're mothered into venting because it's "good for you" is annoying as $#%^

i need to get better with this $#%^, i know that, but damn woman can you back off for 2 seconds? you won't let me smoke using the outside body and here i am chain smoking using the inside body to calm down and you're stood there, telling me it's "not good to keep it in" and that it's good to "communicate". ###$, i know.

jones (and a super over-caring alice)

i've not dated anyone since the body was a teenager. it wasn't exactly a great experience, ya know? not to beat around the bush or nothin but it was pretty ######6 bad. i've only just started getting used to being awake and about and all that, and datin someone this fast probably wasn't a great idea. but it just sorta happened, ya know? he was real flirty, seemed into me, i wanted to keep it casual, was kinda flattered anyone would be that interested. he saw me as me, ya know? he didn't see me as alice, he saw me as me. i liked that.

now i'm in a stupid ######6 mess where i feel like maybe i shouldn't have trusted him. existing is hard and there's so much $#%^ i'm not dealing with. me and alice realised we were basically ######6 parents recently and man, that's ###$ me up a lot. and now my boyfriend's not who i thought he was, and i still don't know what i want about fronting and if it's worth the risk of ending up like i did before. i mean, ###$, i barely remember before but i remember enough. i don't wanna be stuck like that again.

i dunno this $#%^'s messed up, i don't like talking about this stuff but it's obviously messing the others up too cause i'm upset and pissed off and they can feel that. i just, ya know, alice has had so much time to figure things out. and i know we've all thrown her through a loop the past year or so but she's still had time to deal with $#%^ on her own. i haven't had that yet. i'm still getting used to being stuck in this goddamn body and wanting to be out more but being ######6 scared about it, then we got Mr. Asshole in here with us trying to act good but i don't trust it. now this with my boyfriend? it's too much.

anyway we gotta... sleep... or somethin. it's pointless talking this out right now. i gotta get used to getting this $#%^ off my chest so... there, i did it.

- jones (& alice)

Hi jones (& alice),

That sounds really rough. I'm sorry you're going through that right now. There are SO many things to get used to if you haven't been out for a long time. I really agree that "existing is hard."

I don't have anything wise to say--I just wanted to let you know that I read what you wrote. I hope you're able to feel calmer somehow.

I suppose I should update here. We are not doing well today as the body's mother sent us a message that was rather upsetting. Charles and I will do our best to keep the body safe and taken care of. I find myself thinking about my own existence and feeling afraid. I will watch something as a distraction.

- Lain

Hey, Iain and everyone.

We're sorry to hear you are having a rough day. I don't have any advice (nor did you ask, lol). We just wanted to acknowledge your feelings and say we hope you stay safe and find some entertaining distractions.

From: All of us.