Am I overly concerned about privacy?

Just to follow up, I emailed my T yesterday evening with a link to the 4th page of this thread, and then I was kind of nervous about how he would respond. But he wrote back this morning to say, among other nice and reassuring things, that he has ordered a noise machine and hopes to set it up by Tuesday.

So I'm very impressed, and the littles feel calmer that we don't have to spend a lot of time talking about this when we see him and also that no one is in trouble for asking, and he's not mad, and he wants us to tell him what we need. (Just repeating all that for their benefit because it helps to go over things until they sink in.)

Thanks for all your help and support. I know that just the fact that I need something should be enough for me to ask for it, but it really helps to hear that it's reasonable and other people would want it also.

That's really great! So glad you to hear it went well.

Sigh. The saga continues. My T really doesn't like white noise, and because of that, he didn't get the usual white noise machine that many therapists have--the round one with maybe two settings (softer and louder) and maybe an option to rotate the outer shell of it to make the openings wider or narrower, which also adjusts the volume. It's very solid and makes a steady sound like an air conditioner or a fan. I'm not sure how it makes the sound--possibly from something vibrating inside? But it's not made by a speaker.

Instead, he got this very flimsy "sleeping noise machine" that can make 15 different sounds, none of which is just a steady white noise (he thought one of the noises would be that). It's very light, made of thin plastic and the noises sound like they're just from a little tiny speaker and made digitally.

I got there yesterday expecting that if the noise machine had arrived, it would be set up (because he said he hoped he would have it to set up by Tuesday). Instead, he put it, still in its box, on the table in front of where I sit in the office, while he went and did whatever (I usually have a few minutes to be alone in his office before he comes in). As if he was saying, "here, I got this for you because you asked for it." And then when he came back, he opened it and showed me the icons for the different sounds. He thought we could listen to them and I could see which one I liked. (Like, what? I don't care what the sound is--it's for the waiting room and just to block people from hearing what's being said. HE can choose whatever sound HE wants.)

Well, they were all sounds that changed--that weren't steady: a tornado or storm that got louder and softer, wind in the trees with chirping birds now and then, a water sound that kept changing--each one was worse than the last. And they all sounded very artificial and tinny. He set it up outside the office door, in the waiting room (first he was going to have it be IN the office, which didn't make any sense to me at all), but when it was loud enough to block sound, it was very distracting to hear it keep changing.

Finally, he turned on the radio in the waiting room (his previous "sound-proofing" method) and kept the noise machine on at a softer volume outside the office door. I could hear both of those things pretty clearly while in the office, and because they both change a lot, it was kind of distracting. But if I had walked in and that had been the setup, and we had just started my session as usual, I would have been ok with it--the sounds weren't too loud, and they probably blocked our voices well enough.

But the main thing was that all this took up a LOT of time in MY session that I PAY for, and I was upset that he made it into a big deal with a choice of different sounds. He said that he thought that other clients, if they wanted a sound on, might choose something different than "what you like." He made it be all about the KIND of sound, not about preserving people's privacy, and also into something he was doing because I had this specific need. As if no one else would care that people in the waiting room can overhear the end of therapy sessions, because apparently no one has ever raised it as an issue.

I was really frustrated and annoyed about having to deal with this, and he was all about reassuring me that no one had "done anything wrong" and it wasn't going to make him resentful or affect our relationship that he went to the trouble of getting this noise machine and I didn't like it. MAYBE there were some littles who were feeling that way, but that was NOT the main feeling I was having. And then he talked about sometimes things not turning out how you expect--as if this was some great life lesson for me instead of caused by his issue about not liking white noise machines.

The point has to do with PRIVACY, and the fact that it's compromised whenever someone shows up before the end of someone else's session, and the fact that he doesn't see that as a problem. He could have just SAID at the start of those recent sessions: "Someone might get here before we're finished, so I'll turn on the radio." (A previously agreed upon way to deal with this). But it didn't even occur to him, so the second time I ASKED him if someone was coming right after me and then ASKED him to turn on the radio, and then to make it louder. I don't think I should have to worry about that--I should be able to count on my session being private without any kind of special arrangement being needed.

So, I had the idea for the noise machine--but HE could try to solve the problem another way if he wanted to--he could insulate the door, with a thing at the bottom that blocks sound; he could get a little water feature--like a fountain or something--that's a nice soothing sound; he could just make sure to avoid overlaps between clients (which was working just FINE for me for more than a year). He doesn't seem to think of it as a general problem, but just a need that I have that he has to go out of his way to accommodate.

I really don't think this is MY issue--and he kept making it be specific to me, the same way he did when I objected to his phone announcing people's full names when they texted him. Yes, it's great that he wants to meet MY needs, and when it IS a specific need that I might have that other people don't, I'm very appreciative. But I don't think this falls in that category, and while the session wasn't a complete waste of time, it was close to being that. He didn't have time to read anything I had written in the journal over the past week (something we almost ALWAYS do), and we didn't talk about anything else really except this issue.

I have a lot going on in my life right now that is busy and stressful (and I'm even feeling resentful of having to spend time writing this post about it, so I'll wrap it up ), and I don't want to have to spend my session time dealing with what should be a BASIC thing about PRIVACY that HE should deal with. To the point where I told him today that we're not coming on Friday (our usual session time). He's holding a time for me on Tuesday (because we asked for that before we decided not to go on Friday--and I haven't decided about Tuesday yet), but I have something important happening on Sunday and Monday that I need to prepare for and I don't want to be getting more upset on Friday over this.

We've NEVER not gone to a scheduled Friday session before, so that's kind of a big deal. He did say that he would get the kind of noise machine that I want, but again, it was as a special going out of his way to meet my need. Anyway, it's always helpful to hear from any of you who want to weigh in.

this dude is a turd with a blind spot the size of Mississippi.

please tell him I said that. you should not have to pay for some #######4 show and tell session. what an idiot.

privacy is some very basic $#%^. you aren't being a special snowflake. dude just needs a reality bat to the face. it's ######6 HIPPA regulations. aww... I'm about to go find that $#%^. did I find that $#%^ already?

turdblossom

yes I did find that $#%^ already!!!

http://www.apa.org/ethics/code/index.aspx

He is being monumentally dumb. He might be smart about some things but this is clearly not one of them. I mean seriously he should be able to anticipate potential negative consequences because its inevitable that sometimes people will do bad stuff so he should be keeping you safe by helping keep his clients business private and the thing with the phone keeping work and home separate. I mean I can think of a dozen different things that could happen because someone hears something they shouldn't. There are people in this world who will take advantage and hurt others when they can and those people often need the help of a mental health professional so he should think about everyones safty. So back to he is being dumb.

BeccaBee, thank you!!!! I laughed out loud several times, and feel SO much better. You have quite a creative way with words. .

Seriously, thanks for your support. It was very hard DURING the session, where littles are pretty much in charge, to be more assertive and articulate about why I was so frustrated. And every time I tried to stop him from saying that it was just about me and what I needed, he would ask if I thought he was saying there was something wrong with what I needed or was asking for. Well, no, I was SURE there wasn't anything wrong with asking for PRIVACY; I was objecting to him trying to say that it was a specific need of MINE, as opposed to being a right of all his clients.

I don't remember if he asked me that when, for example, we wanted him to carry around something on his keychain that we gave him, but that would have been an appropriate time if we seemed upset about asking to have that need met. It was a specific thing we were asking for to meet a specific individual need, and him being willing to do that is one of those things that we really appreciate. That's him tailoring the therapy to individual clients and that's a GOOD thing. But this isn't the same thing at all.

Thanks, NyxX--I never even thought of someone using the information they heard to do something bad. But it shouldn't even come up as a possibility.

We always think about worst case scenarios and then we are prepared for when the bad things happen and often are like oh that turned out really well because it could have been much worse.

It's the difference between a need and a right. Standing up for your rights isn't asking anybody a favor.

Colin

It sounds like he's being purposefully dense about what you are meaning. He is either caring about your privacy and will take matters to correct it, or not. This using your time to play these ineffective background sounds, sounds very insensitive to you. And to me I would think, yeah of course a therapist is only human. But they should be better then this. ;/

100% agree with you on all fronts!