Am I overly concerned about privacy?

I'm bumping this thread again because the last two times that I saw my T, there was someone coming for an appointment right after mine, so I was still finishing my session with him when we heard the waiting room door open and knew that someone was sitting about 6 or 8 feet from the door to his office and could hear whatever we were saying.

The second time I asked him before we started to turn on the radio in the waiting room, but I'm sure it doesn't really help because it's not between the person and the door, but just off to the side and not very loud. I asked him to turn it up and he did, but he seemed more concerned about us being able to hear it and be bothered by the music while we were talking in his office than by the sound-blocking effectiveness.

I'm feeling a little more justified in being assertive about this because when my husband went there last week, he got there when the T was still seeing the person before him, and said that he felt awkward about being able to hear their voices. He made a point of focusing on something on his phone rather than trying to listen, and whenever I've mentioned it at home since then, my husband has said, "Just bring him a noise machine and set it up."

My husband also felt like it was awkward when the person had to leave and walk right past him, and I've felt awkward walking past the person that was waiting, but it was the same person each time, and she looks just as uncomfortable about it, so that is less bothersome and also not really fixable (unless he goes back to having a 15 minute window on either side of my appointment). Often the T gets started a little late with me, and that's why we end up with the person having already arrived and waiting before we're finished.

Once in the past I asked the T why he didn't just get a noise machine like so many therapists have, and he said that he preferred having music instead of just noise. But we have noise machines at home, because we use them when we sleep, so I'm very tempted just to bring him our extra one and ask him to put it outside the door between the waiting room and the office. I wanted to get people's input and feedback about that, because privacy seems to be kind of a blind spot with this T, for whatever reason.

Reasons against: I don't want to be pushy, or changing how he does something in his practice (beyond how it affects me), or implying that I somehow know better how he should do things.

Reasons for: Well, everything I've stated above. I'm aware that someone is intruding on the end of my session with the T and can hear what I'm saying, and what he's saying. I just don't feel comfortable with that.

If anyone wants to weigh in with their opinion, I'd love to hear it.

I don't mind the T's next patient seeing me exit the room but I absolutely would mind thinking that person might be able to hear what the T and I are saying.

You are not being pushy to bring this up with your T. You are taking good care of yourself.

Your T doesn't seem to understand the importance of this. It is possible you know better how he should do things.

Privacy is such a basic issue. If there is one thing your T should understand, it should be that.

We have a few points

You guys probably know better then he does on lots of things because you guys have different experiences and knowledge and learnt different things.

You and your husband have the experience of being in the waiting room and better awareness of how much your privacy is compromised he doesn't and early people probably sit nicely and quietly and wait there turn rather then talking and disturbing what's going on inside his office.

He should regularly be changing how he does things because he should keep learning and keep adapting to meet the individual needs of his clients. No one is perfect and he should be continually working to be better at what he does and how he helps people.

I don't think it's being pushy but asserting your needs and asking him to acknowledge what's important to you. And isn't that an important part of what your doing with him learning how to recognise everyones needs and how to meet them? I know you write about journaling alot to work out what everyone is feeling and you share that with the T sometimes. So this isn't really so different you all have a need and it's important to you all and it is important to have that need be accepted and validate. Because a need for privacy is a valid need.

This definitely is completely valid and reasonable - there is no justification for the potential and existing problems with privacy. You should be insisting and not hesitate with that, you're completely in the right. As Nyx has said, your T knows nothing about the patient experience, really; you and your husband do.

.....and whoever he just saw would have to walk right past me, just like I would have to walk right past whoever was waiting to see him after me.

The second one is that his office isn't soundproof .......

The times I arrived before he finished a session or phone consultation with someone, I could hear most of what was being said.....

The third one is that when he has text notifications turned on, his phone announces the first and last name of whoever is texting.....

At the time, I didn't realize this was for texts. When I heard "message from x," I stupidly thought it was someone calling and leaving a voicemail,,,.......

Well, since then, I've been texting him 2 or 3 times a week, with no idea that my name is being announced out loud each time. Yesterday, he had his phone there because he was expecting a call from an auto shop.....

I was really upset to realize that every time I had been texting him, my name was being announced.....
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I am with you on all accounts! My T has a separate exit. In fact three. One back thru reception that nobody uses. One a hall passing reception. In fact I once saw an acquaintance use this exit. There are many Ts in his group practice. But just the thought that this person would know we are there as a client would be disconcerting. They even staggered start times to minimize number of people in reception. Still we sometimes feel it's too peoplely when some Ts running late etc.

Why in the world is his office not soundproof? These are very private conversations. Now I realize why music is always on in reception. To cover any hallway talk. My Ts room is soundproof & for extra protection there is a white noise machine.

Texting or email announcement is unforgivable to me. Only twice in years, once when his wife was taken to E R & another awaiting an attorneys call, did my T even leave his phone on.He told me & why. How would he feel if you left your phone on? You pay for that time. You should expect his undivided attention. T is like a doctor. There are legal privacy requirements too. But just the interruption can change the flow of conversation & therapy work.
Sorry in my book a call from an auto shop is not an ER. Besides it's the type of call that usually requires some discussion. He could return it after you leave. You deserve his full undivided attention & privacy.

He says nobody else complains. Do they know?
Perhaps he has no options re exit but everything else is easily & cheaply corrected. This is so upsetting to me I'd take action that's probably below you! If I heard a conversation, I'd comment on it!! *Did you have enough time to talk to X about Y cuz you can take a few of my minutes if neded?*
* Oh, I didn't know Z was a client of yours. He's a nice guy. That's the same Z who works at ppp right?* *Heard you tell that client 123. Is that how you really feel?* Privacy is very important to me. And is to most people. I bet they would complain if they were aware.

These concerns are all perfectly normal. I have encountered most of these lapses myself but never all in one place. Sheesh!

For me the phone audio alerts of incoming messages would be an immediate deal breaker. My first step would be to bring out my phone at the start of a session and say pointedly "Now I am silencing my phone and putting it away. I ask you to do the same." This may result in much of the session being devoted to discussing expectations around phone usage. So be it. Consider it good practice in setting boundaries.

Thank you for the support, Skaya and puppieskittens. It's really helpful to be validated like that.

NyxX wrote:We have a few points

You guys probably know better then he does on lots of things because you guys have different experiences and knowledge and learnt different things.

You and your husband have the experience of being in the waiting room and better awareness of how much your privacy is compromised he doesn't and early people probably sit nicely and quietly and wait there turn rather then talking and disturbing what's going on inside his office.

He should regularly be changing how he does things because he should keep learning and keep adapting to meet the individual needs of his clients. No one is perfect and he should be continually working to be better at what he does and how he helps people.

I don't think it's being pushy but asserting your needs and asking him to acknowledge what's important to you. And isn't that an important part of what your doing with him learning how to recognise everyones needs and how to meet them? I know you write about journaling alot to work out what everyone is feeling and you share that with the T sometimes. So this isn't really so different you all have a need and it's important to you all and it is important to have that need be accepted and validate. Because a need for privacy is a valid need.

This was REALLY helpful to me and really well-stated. Thank you, NyxX. I think my T would agree with everything you said, and I think he does try to work at being better at what he does.

My current plan is to bring a noise machine with me in my bag and then bring the topic up with him on Tuesday.

Windsoar wrote:If I heard a conversation, I'd comment on it!! *Did you have enough time to talk to X about Y cuz you can take a few of my minutes if neded?*
* Oh, I didn't know Z was a client of yours. He's a nice guy. That's the same Z who works at ppp right?* *Heard you tell that client 123. Is that how you really feel?*

Lol. This is really funny. I actually don't mind hearing him talk to other people--it was reassuring to hear him explaining to someone else how to work toward more cooperation among parts--he is just immersed in treating DID and is so matter-of-fact about it that it's very calming. As far as I'm concerned, they should care if I can overhear them--that's not up to me to be bothered about. I just don't want anyone to be able to hear ME.

I guess I wasn't clear that all the phone issues were corrected right away, before I even saw him again. He leaves his phone by his computer in the other room and hasn't had it in the office since then.

Privacy is really basic sh*t. When other people can hear you talking it's not private. If it wasn't totally private it would change what we can talk about. Then we wouldn't get what we need. This guy is messing up and you should tell him. It isn't your fault he's sloppy. He needs to get his sh*t together. Take a noise machine. Tell him you're going to use it for your session because somebody has to care about your privacy.

Colin

Telling our T what we need is like a big part of therapy for us. Good luck.

Iain

IainEtc wrote:Take a noise machine. Tell him you're going to use it for your session because somebody has to care about your privacy.

Colin

Telling our T what we need is like a big part of therapy for us. Good luck.

Iain

Thanks, guys! Now I'll not only do it, but I'll really feel like I have a right to.

One practice I tried briefly had sessions audible from the waiting room. I don't really care if others hear me but I really don't want to hear other people's business. So I told the therapist I would wait outside the building and when they were ready to see me they could come outside and get me. And I requested a longer session. To fit that in their schedule meant occupying 2 regular session slots, so there was extra buffer time before and after my session. So no crossing paths with the therapist's other clients.