Sick of being in here

by **sharedsoul** » Sun Apr 14, 2013 4:35 pm

i'm so sick of being stuck in here he claims to not block me he claims to give me the chance to speak but in truth he ignores me and pushes me away just because I'm negative. All I want is to love him but how could he ever love me when I'm stuck in here I guess I'm condemned to this pitiful exsistence living inside someone else...

these threads might be helpful to all:

-- Stopping Hurting Myself: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic101170.html(Possibly triggering)

-- Depressed alters (discusses how to help depressed alters cope safely) (possibly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic96897.html

-- 13...not our lucky number (discusses how to help, communicate and reach out to destructive/violent/harmful/uncaring alters, and understanding their purpose) (possibly slightly triggering): http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic100050.html

:oops:

- cassie (age ?)

by **sharedsoul** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:55 am

the problem being is that she's not the only one depressed John is too and being out host he is the one the copes with the confrontation In day to day life he struggles enough without her triggering him and right now more than ever she is bad news we don't need

-- Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:01 pm --

###$ YOU GRIFFON I am not going back in that cage you call a home I am here and I will be heard maybe I would be so depressed if you didn't damn well suppress me all the time I am fed up and I am here to stay I could give a damn what you say

by **tomboy24** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:07 am

she is not bad news!! :oops:

she is an equally important part of the system!!

she was needed at one point in time, she helped you all to cope and survive, and all she's trying to do is continue to cope and survive the ways she knows best!!

you could all maybe try helping her learn new ways to cope and express herself instead of just saying "we can't deal with her right now", because that can be hurtful to hear about yourself and it doesn't really help anyone or anything get better... :oops:

turn it around. look at it from her point of view. john isn't the only one depressed. she is too. she's in pain. she's trying to cope. and all you're doing is ignoring her and saying "no we can't deal with this so let's not address it". maybe if you addressed it, it could become something you can deal with. :oops:

it's very very important to understand, listen to, help, accept, care for, and love every alter, every part, because you/they all deserve it equally. :oops:

morgana i am sorry you're not being heard and that you're having a difficult time right now. i'm glad that you can write here and be heard here and express yourself here, and i hope you continue to do so. :oops:

- cassie (age ?)

by **sharedsoul** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:12 am

thank you Cassie it's nice to actually have someone talk to me for a change instead of being invisible I won't let them do that to me anymore and yes you're right there are better ways of coping I just forget sometimes I don't mean to hurt anybody

by **tomboy24** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:59 am

you're welcome. :oops:

it can be very hard to remember other ways of coping when you're "in the moment".

the twins l.c. and luna know all about that.

(and we've been learning lately that shay might know about that too).

but it is possible to get better at expressing yourself safely and healthily and remembering/learning safer and healthier ways for coping and such.

the threads i shared previously might be of interest/helpful to you. i hope you look at them if you're interesting. :oops:

- cassie (age ?)

*Possible Trigger Warning*

Cry of the Shadow

I never seem to speak a word,
My pleas for help go unheard.
Acting the complete opposite of what I'm feeling,
For my wounds go too deep for time's healing.

Living life as one big lie,
No one seems to hear me cry.
I act as if I never care,
So showing the truth for me is rare.

I might laugh and I might smile,
But I haven't been truly happy for a while.
It's all just one big act to hide,
What I'm really feeling inside.

Silently I'm asking anyone,
To wake me up inside before I'm gone.
I might not actually say anything,
But study my eyes - you'll see I'm pleading,
For someone to save me from the dark.

(written year 2004/2005)

~L.C.

*Trigger Warning- poem about self-harm*

Cutting

Sadness and rage combine within,
Scars show the emotions hidden.

Bloody tears cry away,
The pain I feel everyday.

Don’t ask why I do this,
Don’t try to understand.
The knife doesn’t judge me,
It’s my helping hand.

Don’t pretend that you can see,
I’m not looking for suicide.
This way of coping works for me,
Bearing scars I cannot hide.

It may not seem like it,
But I’m not doing much.
All I’m doing is enabling others to see,
The scars and wounds I hide inside of me.

(written year 2007/2008)

:oops:

~Luna
*End Trigger Warning*

Self-harm is not the answer.
We do not deserve to be hurt, especially by ourselves.
We deserve to love ourselves, not hate ourselves.
We are not perfect, mistakes will be made,
but every time we try to use better coping methods, we get that much closer to being healthier and succeeding at using different coping methods.
As for life and depression... L.C. and I have a quote we like to remind ourselves of:
"Life is like a painting canvas. Whether it's stained, ripped, or already has something painted on it, nothing can stop you from painting over it with your own choices. Nothing can stop you from turning the canvas life gives you into your own work of art."

:oops:

~Luna & L.C.

by **sharedsoul** » Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:32 pm

thank you for that, as you've probably read we've been institutionalised a couple of times and that was when they shut me out to try to stop it from happening again the thing they didn't stop to think about is that I was trying to find new ways to express myself through the therapy we were recieving there

by **tomboy24** » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:45 am

I'm sorry that things have been difficult. :oops:

It's common for others to react hastily and be so focused on one thing that they forget to take other things into consideration. :oops:

I'm sorry you seem to have been misunderstood. I hope that this thread can help with the expression and communication that seems to be needed here, and I hope that the others can come to understand that you want to try to find new ways of expression and coping. :oops:

I also hope that therapy is helping you all and that you might find some helpful ideas of safe expressing and coping techniques in the thread(s) Cassie's shared here. :oops:

Hope things have gotten better for you all. :oops:

And I'm glad that you can at least express yourself and be heard here, Morgana. :oops:

~Luna

*Possible Trigger Warning*

Inside Out

What you see is on the outside,
And what's hidden is in.
You see the outside and judge,
Instead of looking within.
Knowing the outside,
Is knowing a small part of me.
Seeing the inside,
Is a miracle to be.

You see a smile upon my face,
To you I seem happy.
You hear my laughter throughout the day,
To you I seem friendly.
You see me talking with my friends,
To you I seem popular.
You hear my optimistic words,
To you I seem kind.

You think you know what I'm like,
For you see the outside.
You think you know who I am,
But you have never seen the inside.

Looking inside my smile,
You would see tears.
Listening inside my laughter,
You would hear sadness.
Looking inside my friends,
You would see I'm different.
Listening inside my words,
You would hear coldness.

You only look on the outside,
Thinking you know me.
You never look inside out,
So you never will.

- written by L.C. & Luna (year 2004/2005)

~L.C.

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