How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Muninn wrote:Thank you very much for your answer and your kind words. It means a lot to me to know that someone understands me.
I was never diagnosed with any form of autism till now, but I can relate to a lot of traits that are described as typical for Asperger's. If I ever will find a T, I hope that we can discuss these problems too.

Until then I am just glad, that I found this forum with nice people and the space to write about how I actually feel instead of telling everyone that everything is fine and lying about why I missed a date again or behaved strangely. It is exhausting too.

You're very welcome!

We hope you'll be able to find a good T soon. Oh, and Welcome to the forum.

yeah gangs. I read your journey thread too but I don't know about that stuff with Ts so I never say anything. the drama stuff sounds cool.

I kondo'd the ###$ all day. but it was only like a drop in the ocean. I know I'm getting close but it's hard to work so so so so so so much and still be miles away from finishing. I had really hoped to get all done this weekend but I'm going to have to rest more and keep pacing myself.

I'm always pacing myself. but slow and steady...... I hate this feeling of really, really, really needing an actual long break. a vacation. this next push has to get me through about 3 months and I'll get a long weekend for thanksgiving.

2021 I will earn another week of paid time off and I think that will really help. I'm keeping medical leave in my back pocket. I know that's an option before the eject button. it's my "in case of emergency" that helps me keep going.

kid has been on antibiotic for 36 hours now. I think she'll be feeling much better tomorrow morning. she missed a bday party today - docs orders. but she wasn't bummed about it. guess she has enough fun.

that's all folks. Endure and Survive.

I woke up with serious facial pain.
it's bad when it starts so early in the day.
this weekend sucks. we are not having fun.

We've been in a sort of haze today and have done nothing of consequence so far save some journal writing. We slept far longer than the four or five hours we usually get.

I took yesterday off... Viola was fronting the whole day and didn't like it. She didn't write at all in our journal, but she did do the morning bike ride. She didn't like it tho, I think her legs are weaker or something, or just not used to it.

The friend who stood me up on Friday for tea, met Viola yesterday instead. She noticed immediately something was 'off', that 'I' wasn't acting like 'myself'. She knows about our DID, but did not guess or realize that she was actually talking with someone else.

When Viola told her she wasn't me, the friend then put it all together and it was fine. They had a little chat, but I don't know what sorts of stuff they talked about.

One weird thing I remember from last night, before we fell asleep Viola was laying in bed and suddenly had this really upset thought, "I have no idea what I look like!" like she knows what she looks like inside, but she got all freaked out thinking she'd been fronting all day long and had no idea what she looked like to other people.

I dunno if it means anything, just seemed wierd and it sorta had her upset. Like, I know what the body looks like. Even if I forget all the time that it doesn't look like me, but when I think about it, I know.

Anyways, I'm back. V1 is still gone. It's a long weekend here but I know we should be working anyways, should try and be productive and achieve stuff... probably not gonna happen tho.

V2

Trigger warning brief mention of abuse, ect

We're feeling a bit rocky. Today was Father's Day here. And father's day always brings up bad memories, of abuse and the pain we experienced. We tried to do some stuff to cheer us up but seeing everyone around with their father's brought up a meltdown
We saw Christopher Robin which was amazing though

Later on at the grandmother's house she kept tickling our feet even when we asked her to stop which is a massive trigger and upsets us

So we are a bit upset now.

Our next door neighbor has some guys over there cutting down a tree... which upsets us but I think the tree was dead so it's not like they're killing a live tree.

But.

This is the second day in a row where we've had chainsaws buzzing and strange men shouting, for ######6 hours on end.

And I've suddenly had enough of it.

Holy $#%^ it is ######6 annoying, the noise and the shouting and it just goes on and on and on and on.

So much for a relaxing long weekend.

V2

We're not sure but we think we've been awake for 20 hours or so and have just taken our sleepy meds which make us sleep usually. We went for a long walk down by the waterfront this morning which was good for us. It felt, however, as though we were along for the ride in our body, watching ourselves be confident and fearless. We are unsure if it's a new alter or an alter who has shifted their behavior. Either way it was freeing to feel like we could take on the world even for a short time.

Of course though such things never last and they didn't this time. We switched back as we arrived home and decided to journal for a spell. We wrote a few hundred words or so then came here.

We have been experiencing strange waves of tearful emotion lately, often for no apparent reason. They don't last for long. We just suddenly feel like crying.

Can we do this? Are we strong enough? We'd like to think so.

shitballs and firecrackers. it never ######6 ends. we are powering through the insanity but should be resting more. only now I'm in too deep to not finish. we are stuck on the kondo train the rest of the weekend. glad it's a 3 day.....

littleDaria--that sounds confusing, with lots of switching going on. For what it's worth, I think you're strong enough.

V2--that seriously sucks, and that must be one super large tree to take two friggin' days to cut down. Around here, that kind of work where you're paying someone to do noisy stuff isn't allowed on Sundays. I hope they finish soon. That's nice that the friend who stood you up rescheduled for the next day. But I guess it feels like you didn't even get to talk to her.

KawaiiKitty--that's abusive if someone keeps tickling you when you ask them to stop. Couldn't you get away from her?? That used to be done to me when I was a kid. It's awful.

birdsong--sorry to hear about your pain. I hope there's something you can do for it.

BeccaBee--did you really mean that it will be almost 3 years before you earn another week of paid time off??? Don't you get paid vacation weeks each year?

I'm having a hard day so far, and getting nothing done. This was going to be a catch-up day after a very busy week and a long and stressful day yesterday (one of those days that was great fun for someone and miserable for someone else). I am supposed to have already exercised and be on my way to run errands. Instead I've only just made coffee--at noon.

And I had a big upsetting interaction with the husband which terrified the littles, because he was yelling and banging things around. And he and I are meeting another couple for dinner tonight, which will be hours of intense conversation about kids and life. Shoot me now.