How are you today thread (trigger warning)

Iain, sorry to hear about all the frustration but it still sounds like progress for the host maybe? I understand how draining being around family can be. I'm typically the one to save my host with a bit of backbone with our mom, but it is taxing.

I hope you all can get back to a comfortable state, best wishes!

Lee-Anne

Thanks Lee-Anne. We just need some time where Host's mom isn't messing with us and we'll be ok.

Iain

maybe you can work with a mom-budget.
then you can tell host he has used up the budget already

Yes, it does seem like a lot of us are struggling right now, but there seems to be a lot of fight in all of us too.

Iain--we have the same sort of thing with the parents. C doesn't feel obligated exactly, but feels the need for their approval. We are spending 24 hrs with them this week. Ugh. I personally (Heather) can't stand the way they talk to us and each other.

Birdsong-- this program doesn't sound useful if you are going to be basically out of danger by the time you assess. Can you defer it til next November? It might be good for next year's difficult season.

Lee-Anne--I wouldn't want to host either. It's hard work. And I'm not a people pleaser

BeccaBee--good luck with the move!

We are doing better ever since Friday T. Terrin still wants to self harm but we now understand that it's because she feels like no one knows her pain so we have let a couple people get closer to us. Trying to meet her needs in healthy ways.
Heather and C.

I had this long post.

I'm kind of an atypical tween/smol/inhuman girl in this system.

I tried making a friend today, again. I don't have many solid ones in the outside world.

I asked the current host's partner today if they still wanted me as a friend/in general even if we permafused and I didn't manifest this way one day. She replied with 'Of course I still want to be your friend. I love all of you.'

And I've heard that one before in my over a year of existence or self awareness. From a person who stopped being my friend/our friends. But, she sounded truly sincere.

I, of course, dropped back out of front as quickly as possible and didn't converse past that point, but I was held.

TL;DR... I have a cat here who recognizes when I'm fronting even when I barely can. I have friends in a system who lives in Cali, the 'host's' Other partner... Maybe I can have a friend who lives in the same house who really, actually wants me. ; ; I'm scared of saying 'I hope so'. I love our system, they're definitely sisters to me. Maybe this anchor to the outer world via an external friend will bring me more meaning than pain. All such anchors that make me feel *really* Like I exist (and all of the frighteningly real stuff that comes with being really smol in a damaged, sickly, 20's aged shell)... They are scary. With a friend closer by, I would inevitably front more and be self aware more.

Maybe I can make another friend and they'll stay. <3

-C

today was...bad. a lot of bad things happened. nobody would front so i want just stuck enduring all the bad things. i did a lot of stupid, irrational things on impulse too. it was so hard picking myself up out of that mess. i'm grateful i had some friends who helped. not grateful for some certain alters who didn't front when i really needed a break. >.>

nekxie wrote:I have a cat here who recognizes when I'm fronting even when I barely can.

how curious, i think my pets can tell when i'm fronting too!

- derek

I have gotten better at wearing my fitbit regularly. one of my favorite features is the automatic sleep tracker. one of my biggest symptoms is amnesia. now that I have access to this sleep data I can make the connection to how I am doing and feeling and my sleep quantity and quality of the last week.

I feel better when I sleep!!!
--- i know that's such a duh! aha moment but it really is an epiphany for me.

sleep is such an elusive beast. right now I have 2 hrs wind down, 2 shots whiskey, 10 mg melatonin, + valerian root & passion flower. i have had a good stretch the last week. at least 7 hrs every night.

also keeping the schedule on target makes a big difference. slow and steady wins the race.

I think I was a dumbass for getting this dog right before I moved. but luckily the dog is super ######6 awesome so even though it's been tough I am still really glad I got this super awesome girl

haven't been at the forum for a few days now
needed to catch up almost two pages, feels like i am all new again
just trying to read and reply, just trying to catch up

Hi all its been quite awhile since we have posted, we have moved four times in the last two years and hopefully we can stay put where we are for quite awhile, Therapy has been good in the sense that I understand the reasons dissociation and hopefully can put some grounding techniques in place, easier said than done but doesn't everything take hard work, denial though has a way of creeping up on you and before you know it bam there it is like a long lost friend turning up and shouting JOKE right in the face. I suppose I'm in a bit of crisis, struggling to believe yet again that I have DID, just going to grab jemima now because Emly needs her, yeah we can't let Michelle keep doing this because it's upsetting us.........jemima is Emlys rag doll

Tired tired tired. Long long day finally done. I (C) fronted almost all day except for about 40 mins when Heather was out feeling angry. So exhausted. Back at my bf's house tonight but he is upstairs. We need this quiet time.
C.