How are you today thread (trigger warning)

birdsong87 wrote:

ColouredLeaves wrote:
Sounds like it could be helpful even if not deep. Are you hoping to get in? Where are you? Here in Canada the wait lists are murder. I wanted to get into a group like that for OCD. My dr. referred me in June. I just had the assessment. They recommended me but it will be at least 6 more months until I hear anything else.

We had a great day. Lunch with my bf then T. It was Terrin and I who talked in T and she feels a lot lighter now. Quiet evening in. Unfortunately no hockey or basketball games to watch (says Heather) but I have a good book and a bag of popcorn and my dog so all is well.
C.

that sounds like a nice evening.
the outpatient treatment centers here dont have long waiting lists. but we still havent heard back from them. they usually do depression and anxiety, not DID. if they wont take us we have run out of ideas.

we are struggling. barely enough motivation to eat. constant thoughts about self-harm. i really dont know where this is going if we cant get help soon. we are at the end of "helping ourselves".

Do you have any help at present?

We also are struggling. Self harm thoughts from Terrin every night. But we have a great T and two groups that we go to (for eating disorder.) it's hard not to have adequate help. Even with help it's not easy. We also have an amazing crisis line (24hr) in my city. It is our best friend right now.
C. (With Terrin)

we have great friends. one of them a counselor.
i was kind of angry because we didnt hear back from the treatment center yet.
there is a doctor who at least listens, he is inspiring even when he cant help.
we will be ok.

Beccabee- big decisions house and dog....both sound awesome. Big smiles for you.

Iainetc- we have also been really struggling with the driving away thing big episode over Christmas we do not have T at the moment but this has lead to us finally getting support from local community team.
Keep safe.

birdsong87 wrote:we have great friends. one of them a counselor.
i was kind of angry because we didnt hear back from the treatment center yet.
there is a doctor who at least listens, he is inspiring even when he cant help.
we will be ok.

Just catching up with this journey. I like the phrase 'we will be ok' we can use this as a mantra. There are periods, there are times that feel intolerable, but we are still here so 'we will be ok'. Thank you for this. It reinforces for me that even when times are tough it is worth posting because we never know when our words may be helpful to others. The giving and receiving of support appears in the most unexpected corners.



We finally have some external support. We took a job with a delivery firm so we could take dog. It was a disaster. On Monday evening we found ourselves sitting in our sitting room with empty parcel bags and suddenly became aware that we were a parcel delivery person and that is what we had been doing for 3 days. Finally M went to see GP - first time able to describe some desperate feelings - referred to crisis team - M unable to show too distressed - O - took the assessment interview. To which the CPN said she thought we were unwell - she understood that she was supposed to be assessing M but M had not showed up because she was being protected by 'O'. There was some relief for us in the CPN's observations although it hurts like hell for someone to state the words 'I think you are unwell'. We have to go back today. We have also got the results back from our screening assessment which said we needed further investigation and this was a shock. 'I' was fairly convinced that we would come out with a low score. It is infuriating to know all this to be 'true' but also to not believe it all at the same time - being aware of and totally convinced by two polar opposites is disturbing although I am beginning to understand that having awareness of both is a good thing. I also know that M does not have the same insight which is worrying - although she will do nothing too damaging because she has two children and has a firm belief that they must be protected at all times. Sorting through this is so tiring. We will be ok.

♡ we will be ok ♡

So today we were faced with two psychiatric nurses who had been instructed by a psychologist to only speak with M. Crisis team called in because M went to GP on Monday and GP was concerned that we may not be safe. I completely get that they wanted to speak with M because she is the one really distressed and has been for months but did get very angry feelings about performing monkey syndrome. I totally understand why M was triggered on Monday - (this is huge) - feel like am learning all the time - but trying to explain this to two complete strangers who just 'want to talk to M' was dreadful. M did put in an appearance, she is very unhappy and distressed and this seems to be linked with the littles. There is a lot of pain in here at the moment which possibly accounts for not being able to string two things together especially in the mornings....did we wash our hair? settle down wash your face. did we make coffee? Finish putting the bed away before starting the washing up, oh we already did it, weren't we making coffee no we are getting dressed we already have coffee, where are the clothes, we already put them out, put the bed away, sit down take a breath write a list, just finish washing up firs, we've already done it, where have we put our clothes...... not a lot of focus but lots of white noise and tinnitus. Just hope we get some sleep tonight.

F***ing hell... Illy is gone. The cat died & she couldn't handle the fallout. I've been helping the past few days but this morning she is just gone & I'm stuck here! I don't know if I can manage the boyfriend constantly questioning me without her. Not sure how to find her.

I'm going to start that journey thread Illy has been talking about, and maybe she'll want to participate. I find it stupid to be feeling as lonely as she is feeling when she can talk to me, or actually write here. I'm lonely, too. This is frustrating.

Lee-Anne

Hi Lee-Anne,

That happened to us before when Host just totally fell apart. We freaked for a while but he came back ok. The big thing was for us to try to relax. That was hard but just doing regular things helped and maybe taking some time off. Pretty soon he came back like "Where am I?" Just too much stress.

Good luck,

Iain

Lee-Anne hang in there. A journey thread is a great idea. It worked for us.

LittleMie that sounds so difficult. Do the nurses accept multiplicity at least? What's going on with the Littles? Morning routine all messed up sounds familiar. I hope M can get some help and that the rest of you are ok.

Birdsong heard anything from the treatment centre yet? You started a trend!

As for us, we will be ok too. Had a week from hell with Terrin wanting to self harm every night and it spilled over onto C. The two of them were a mess. So we went to see T for a second time this week and it really helped. The reasons behind it are clear now and it feels like a lot of the pressure has lifted.
Heather

we got an appointment at the treatment center for the middle of february. its similar to a job interview. it doesnt mean that they will take us, we will just talk.
traditionally our problems start with All Hallows, the day after halloween, and end with valentinesday.
even if they offer help its probably too late.

Hi,

Host is having a hard time right now so Colin and I gave him the day off! He really had to trust us but we did really great! I mean Colin is old enough to drive and I'm good at talking to people so we got some things done. We promised not to spend too much and to not mess anything up. Anyway Host got to rest and I think it helped. Tomorrow we have an important thing to do so I hope he's doing better by then. Host really does a lot for us with the job and the house and stuff. We want him to be ok.

Iain