Today was the long-awaited rheumatology appointment. To back up a little bit, a few months ago I went to have my hormones checked at the OBGYN and ended up here after a positive ANA, despite have little to no physical symptoms of the disease.

After a brief talk, the doctor handed me a lupus diagnosis with a shrug and a sure-fire glance that told me I ought to get a second opinion.

Considering I have a mental health record longer than your spoiled brat's Christmas list, I can't help but wonder if lupus presents with psychiatric problems often. The doctor seemed as confused as me.

I had a severe psychotic episode when I was 18, again when I was 19, and was haphazardly diagnosed with bipolar in 2010. Depression, mania and psychosis can be seen in cases of neuropsychiatric lupus but, from what I understand, there are almost no definitive tests to show that through a brain scan. C'mon modern medicine, get with the program!

I had come to the conclusion that my mental health problems stemmed from a harsh background, but this makes me question everything.

The doctor ordered more blood work today and I will continue to try to cut recreational drugs out of my life, if only to get a clear picture of my health. At least now I have a great reason to quit. The doctor also prescribed Lexapro 25mg for the depression, but I am hesitant to start any prescription pill... more to come.

10mg lexapro* day 1 of SSRI treatment... we will see...