OMG- YEEEEESSSSSSSS! I TOTALLY have a social justice streak in me and it was completely unnerving to me that some on the jury seemed ill-equipped to do as we were instructed... take the law and apply it to the charges and, based upon the evidence, decide if the defendant had truly violated the law on each charge. You really made me laugh... the defense picked the "droolers" and the prosecution picked, well "others" LOL. So I think I ended up on the jury due to the prosecution (then again, I am a little "off kilter," so maybe the defense picked me...lol!!). But yes, with my new sense of balance, I seem a little more capable of knowing when to pull back and let others take up the gauntlet. Guess I'm learning the art of "choose your battles."

Well, as far as mom's visit, you hit the nail on the head... key is making a guest feel welcome without going overboard. The family gathering went well and mom's here now. She's retired and has quite a few physical limitations, so just going to the store is enough of an outing (whew!). Glad it's mom visiting... dad and I have a VERY complex and intense past (he's much like me yet NOT self-aware, so childhood and my relationship with him now is VERY trying). So, I'm just going to take the visit day by day and keep as relaxed as I can. No beating myself up... and you're right... BABY STEPS!!!!

I have told him that I am disappointed that he didn't take the break up more gracefully. I reminded him that I had made it clear that if he were to choose the other woman that there would be no further contact between us. And he has the gall to kick off when the consequences of his decisions hit home? Does he have no regard for how much he hurt me and how he had no right to treat me like that? Does he not understand how humiliating it would be for me to stay in contact? Does he not understand how much I love him and how hard it is for me to walk away? He created this situation and I have had to manage it the best I can. Even if he changed his mind today and chose me, I would still need to walk away. He doesn't have the character and values I need in a partner; our connection doesn't have the foundation I need in a relationship. I have never had such an emotionally intimate relationship before in my life and the pain of walk away is probably more intense than the humiliation of staying. But in walking away I get my future back; I have no future if I stay. I know all this sounds a bit hyperbolic and it probably is. Such is the nature of breakups when we feel we really connected with someone and it doesn't work out. I've got to revise my dreams for the future in the context of my new reality. I have a long way ahead before I heal and let go; but I will look at acceptance, forgiveness, letting go with gratitude; and creating a new future vision each day.
As for meds, I know enough to know what I don't know. I tell my doctor what I am doing with the meds I've been on for 15 years and look for her daily guidance with any new medication and how to manage the relationship between the new medication and the old medication. Sometimes the old medication needs to be adjusted in response to the new meds. I'm on 5 different meds so yes, I do appreciate her very regular guidance during such times. Over times where I won't see her she will tell me the range in which to adjust and I strictly adhere to the parameters she sets
My boy goes on his camp today for a week. We have had a quiet time together but have enjoyed each others company none the less.
Promise to get briefer with my comments/posts... the verbal diarrohea has a hold of me. I'd refer to it as VD but that would convey the wrong message

I also have trouble holding back from a debate - I love debating on an intellectual level and like you, I am starting to be more discerning about who I engage in this activity with. If you are anything like me you may also have a strong social justice streak, so it may be extra aggravating for you that the law wasn't applied as it should of / could of because of personal limitations within the jury. The defense do their best to pick a jury on that basis - you must have been asleep, drool out one corner of the mouth, for them to pick you! haha. I also feel genetically programmed to "entertain". It is soooo hard for me to not have a sense of occasion about having a guest. It's not an all bad thing to want to make someone's stay enjoyable; just as long it isn't self-abnegating. Relationships with parents are also much more complex than the average guest, so go easy on yourself, observe the pattern and don't beat yourself up for it. Sustainable changes are made in gradual baby steps.

Change alone is eternal, perpetual, immortal. - Schopenhauer
good luck with everything!

I am very sorry to hear what you have been through

Cracked