Warning: if you do not like reading this type of stuff then please skip this blog post and move on but it is real.

But I am to be sacrificed. I am to be the ultimate sacrifice in the ritual. I will not be the ultimate sacrifice because I am somehow better than the others who were sacrificed (each was a human being and soul in their own right and should not have had such a horrible fate happen to them) but because I will be the last sacrifice and the one that will shock humanity the most because in feeling glimpses of the future intuition gives me humanity will actually start to pull together when they learn of my sacrifice.

The reason for the ritual is unclear at this time but I am really scared that my life is going to end before I would like it to so im living my life before it happens.

Intuition has indicated I will be murdered in the following 3 ways:
. Murder disguised as a suicide
. Being killed in town with a knife or simply being killed when its my time
. A future partner who is one of their agents in disguise who will sacrifice me.


It is part of a complex ritual that has been going on for some time and famous and not much known but important people alike have been sacrificed and are continuing to do so. It is disgusting, horrible, evil but at the same time I am a bit happy inside that my sacrifice will do much for humanity but I want my life to live the way I want it. Not to mention the distress it will cause loved ones and friends at first.

I've tried to stop the sacrifice with my powers but each time they punish me with lots of people getting killed or a disaster. In effect they are telling me to stop trying to break the ritual.

What they don't see is that left on its own humanity will always have a good and bad side and just as much destruction as humanity causes it also produces beautiful arts, love, friends, family and much more... why can't they leave it alone instead of trying to tamper with the great universal design and shape humanity to how they see fit? Unless they are acting out the design, I do not know at this time.

I do not even know when I will be sacrificed but it may be simply months or even years.

I've been struggling with immense emotional pain for the past couple weeks (should say months actually, but the past few weeks have been hell) because of this certain person mostly, but also because of friends and family. I want to find my own way and I want to be genuinely happy again. I try every day but it just somehow does not work. My goal is to let it go and be happy. Since I haven't told anyone of what happened because I can't, I've decided that I do need to let it out somewhere where no one knows me but I'll still have people reading this. It makes me feel a little better, or at least the thought of it does. I really, really, really want to be happy.

Feel like a slightly hypomanic zombie if that makes any sense.

Coffee and shopping time was fun with my auntie. Think I am a bit high as was grabbing everything but realised this and in the end just got one nice top that will go lovely with my jeans. We had a lovely chat as well. Only thing that annoyed me was I went to the chemist and the girl serving me did not even look at my face, she was too busy staring at the scars on my arms, made me feel self concious. My auntie said not to worry about it.

Got back to meet my neighbour who was on her way out and started telling me about how she has broken 2 rampant rabbits since she separated from her husband about 4 months ago. There is such a thing as TMI. I barely know the woman. I feel for her tho, she has been with him for 25 years.

Well that is me for now, hopefully next time I post will not be in the middle of the night but at some decent hour tom.

Byes

Cracked

We might have a prospect on a rental house; I am excited. I hope that all goes well with the plan. The sun is out but work is almost non existent. I have been maily just sitting here.

We did just had lunch at a local restaurant, Keifer's. They have great Greek food. I had a veggie wrap with tiziki. It was good. I couldn't find where they napkins were and I took that paper off of the tray (the trash) but I left the tray on the table. I dont' know. It was weird. I still worry about dementia, but I don't tell anyone because nobody believes me. I've gotten checked out and they tell me that it is ADHD.

I've got heart problems and might have to have a balloon catheter or stent.

I have a feeling that there's something 2b said/there is going 2b something said about what I said in yestredays last blog entry.

One thing that makes me wonder about my state of mind is recalling something years ago.Years ago while walking home with a friend from school one day while we were talking I got so angry (what it was we were talking about I unfortunately forget `_` though I wish I knew what it was we were talking about) that I let my *"angry voice" out to talk.My friend soon after said "See.If I saw someone on the street do that [or be like that] I'd think they're retarded".I'm sorry if I offended anyone but I did not self censor that word b/c I believe it was being used in the right context of describing the exact thing not used as a out of context offensive put down (which drives me mad *'-_- ).This was about 5 yrs ago and a lot of things have changed since then 4 me but that just came up today in my mind.Actually *why did* it got brought up today `~` ?.I know that,that's not true (me being retarded) despite having me having a like personality disorder.

* this was during the days when I had exagerrated and hyped up thoughts about what would happen if I blew my top