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My First Love; This technique will be used with the memories of her. I will examine or inspect closely and thoroughly the memories of her while associating with her...
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Why is this important. Im going to jump back when a memory springs up of her. Memories spring up of her when I want to be loved or Im lonely and wanting... Its as if Im living off the memories... or Im co dependent on them. And I have memories that counter and answer memories that are presented of her. It means I have layers of memories working together to keep alive; as if they are all working together to be alive... The whole of this thing is alive.. and its my job that when a memory shows up in front of me; I respond differently then I actually responded when this memory was created. Im disorienting the memories.
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Here is the idea. When I was around her; I assumed I was around a decent normal nice girl. I let my feelings out as an innocent person that appeared to have the beginning of a girlfriend. In reality; this person was faking me out the whole time... I mean every second; All behavior on her part was an act; a show...
This is the behavior of a spoiled sociopath sadistic monster; a rapist type person... or personality.
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Its my job to dissociate the memories that of her that emotionally connected with me. And I do this by physically jumping away from her when I see her in my memories. In a sense; Im jumping away from her and pointing at her as if to show the world Im dealing with a criminal who is trying to take advantage of me.
In a sense; this was a complete bully. Who thought they could get away with this. And that is what criminals do; THey will attempt something if they think they can get away with it and then bury all of it so the other person is totally broken... That is the goal. In this case; this person wanted to rape someone; in anyway they could; in this case; they would get off on destroying my innocence or getting inside of me somehow and ripping everything apart.. Its a power thrill for a rapist; in this case its coul psychological emotional... Relational; because thats what they have to start with. However, at some point they will escalate this if they think they can get away with it... They would take this to violence; they would have others physically began to harass someone; they no different then any other murder'r or rapist; thats what they are...
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In fact; to my shock; thats exactly what happened; they escalated this into hiring other to cause violence against me. And so it goes; they are a predator stalker.
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GOAL;
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The deeper part of my brain is owned by this as if I answer to this... This sphere of insanity. Im so co dependent I literally think I will die without. Without the whole codependent system created in my brain concerning this person.
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The goal is to render each memory associated with this individual; render them powerless; having all power sucked out of them; stripped of there power over me. That can happen when I turn on each memory; I jump back and move backward in caution. THis will be recorded by my mind trying to fight against this memory; trying to stand up for myself in the face of this memory. ITs one memory at a time.
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The goal her is to do this work and work my way into a new way of thinking. Im trying to face; with Gods help; this giant monster of a sphere of evil that has taken over my mind; its like a million cobwebs or malfunctioning sinapses... all working together to take over part of my brain. I want my brain back please; it belongs to me...
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Lots of brain defenses pop up to dissociate me when attempting to fight against this stuff... It doesn't matter; working with God; its one memory at a time; to slowly expose that person for what they were; and then feeling it. Stopping and accepting the memory to have been an inaccuracy of realty; meaning; I was being lied to and or duped and fooled... conned!...

[ Continued ]