Struggling with anger & wanting to lash out today. In order not to lash out, I shut down & get very quiet. Even though I’m not talkative to begin with, I feel like me getting very quiet is noticeable & uncomfortable to those around me. I’m no longer being the good little enabler they’re accustomed to.

I’m worried about my cat. He has stomatitis & needs to have dental surgery to begin extracting his teeth to remedy the situation. I have another cat that had teeth extracted for decay by a previous vet (she was given to me in that condition by a sibling) & she is perfectly fine now, but I worry about him.

The veterinarian has performed teeth extraction for stomatitis in another family member’s feline, but this other cat is still suffering with the condition & has to be on prednisone, which causes a whole host of other problems. I worry that maybe I should be taking my cat to another vet to avoid a similar fate.

The truth is, there’s no way of knowing the outcome until it happens. I have less control over the situation than I would like. I can make what I think is the best decision & it can still turn out badly. We’ve moved, we no longer have access to our previous vet & that’s just the way it is.

What does any of this have to do with Anger Management??? Maybe I’m just pissed at the world & need any excuse I can lay my clammy paws on. I only really care about the cats & I feel helpless. I can’t even take care of myself some days, but humans are so much more needlessly complicated. Cats are simple.

Finish the quilts I started this summer... A fun goal for a change, although these are the first quilts I’ve ever made, so I am afraid of effing them up.

My Productivity Hacks:

1) Groom.
2) Caffeine.
3) Take a break.
4) Listen to music.
5) Expect obstacles.
6) Get dressed to shoes.
7) Alternate hot & cold drinks.
Never start a challenging task on an empty stomach.

=8min26sec/daily

Complete!!! Technically, I still have to drop them in the mail. Now I can move on with my life.

“Drive”

I’m riding the bus with an exbf. It’s a lady bus driver & the bus is full. The bus encounters road work, but the bus driver keeps driving. I’m worried, but I figure the driver knows better what her route is than I. The landscape is remarkable. Crumbling old buildings & nature.

She finally turns the bus around when there is a huge hole in the road. The detour is even more incredible & akin to a ride in an amusement park. We end up in a different city altogether & the architecture around us is amazing.

I’ve been to this city before, but don’t recognize any buildings. We’re in a very old, falling down part of the city. I’m in awe, but I also am ready for this bus ride to be over. The other riders are obnoxious & crowding me.

“Drive, part 2”

I’m driving my car on the highway, but I’m in the backseat. There’s a bunch of crap wedged in the dash obscuring my view. I don’t have control of the speed, I barely have control of the wheel, but I’m somehow managing not to hit the other cars.

I’m eventually able to pull the car over on the shoulder. I see the ocean out the passenger side windows. It’s still light outside & reflects beautifully off the surf. Out the driver side window, I see a police truck pulled up behind me, but no one exits the vehicle.

=7min43sec/daily

Able to duplicate 2nd set of results. Maybe it’s because I wanted to. 80 days is a long time. Still must reprint, copy & mail, so we’re not out of the woods yet. Expect setbacks.