i feel very unwell today. i tried some "distraction techniques" and got nowhere. ive been crying most of the day. nothing ever turns out ok and im tired of it. i have to move soon and im stressed about it. my only "friend" who ive had forever says hes moving too. i could go with him if i wanted but i dont want to. i keep trying to find a date but i cant talk to anyone for more than 5 minutes and think they are stupid. i just dont like anyone. period.



i dont know what i want to happen now. but as usual.... i dont really give a ###$ either.


i sit and cry but im kind of apathetic too. i have lots of alcohol but i dont feel like getting drunk.


is writing all this out even helping? i dont know?

i honestly never expected to live this long. i feel lost.


my ex used to say that to me - I FEEL LOST.

i remember saying, "dont worry, Ill find you."


lol. thats funny. wtf. all that really happened is I lost myself ...more.

i feel more dysfunctional than ever in some ways.

so sick of my life.

this path sucks. i want off.