I must get to a point that its nothing personal! These people moved on; they did not know me! It is this simple statement that has me all bound up! Im going to have to write on it at other places! Im having a hard time letting go of the psychopaths and their influence on me! It could be pride and jealously! I don't know yet! Could be!

Im starting to feel the anxiety associated with my father buying me new winter boots; or helping me get them on; when my mother actually bought them with her money! He is helping me get them on; but not helping with my homework or future! And Im feeling the strange anxiety of being neglected or having that part of me put to sleep! And that part of me is still asleep!

And I want others to show up and help me with this so I can get on my feet, but they never show up! I will have to talk to God about all of this!

And it is places and times like this that I process they're meaning! As it effects me horribly! And yet, it was many moons ago! Not that it's a problem for me! But Im embarrassed about it!

Ice Skating; and I remember ice skating; but thats when I owned my own life and it was not taken over by the sociopaths! And they still own my life and Im not sure what to do about it! I keep praying and forgiving! And more PTSD comes up of other bullies controlling me out of my life! Any movement and its pure violence toward me! And I had no future! The part of me that has a future is put to sleep! And Im not sure how to wake it up without support! I must get rid of the resentments! Or trust God on how to get rid of the resentments!

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Childhood;
This is the problem; Because of the unfortunate nature of what happened and what I went through; I must do a true search of what happened!

Generally, the worst happened and I did not know I was in such a situation that I was in! I had no idea I was in a situation of the kind youtube crime abuse vids are made of! Meaning, the bad people involved were criminally minded bad people! This includes any and all brothers or sisters! Anyone that might contribute to this family system! And it was not a system! It was 2 psychopaths that hooked up and destroyed many areas of the human experience of others!

Worst part;

Being fooled!

Dr Joseph Mengele who worked with the Nazis; WW2; he was the Dr of a death camp for the Jews! Dr Mengele would walk into a dormitory of children within the camps grounds; promise the children candy and food! He would then kindly pic children to come with him; He was like an Angle; friendly and sensitive to children!

He would have them put on a gurney; He would wheel them into an operating room and experiment on them! He would cut them open and do try experimental surgeries! He would not give them pain killers or Anastasia! He would do unthinkable things until their deaths by his hands! Completely in human!

Heres my point;
The people I was forced to be surrounded by were of the same nature as Dr Mengele! Same nature! Same type; Psychopath! Not all psychopaths operate on children and kill them in the basements and backyard!

Some psychopaths destroy in other ways! In my situation, they were pure narcissists; meaning, every move they made; they made for themselves with no conscious of the consequences to others! Pure human Un-responsibility ! Completely antisocial!

If you look at pictures of serial killers on trial; or when they bringing them into the court room; many have a smile on their face! They are relaxed and happy as if nothing is wrong! They have no conscious! Nothing is bothering them at the moment; they are content altho they've slaughtered 100 innocent people!

The psychopath is a most dangerous monster! They have no rules, no guidelines of sanity when dealing with others! They are beyond arrogant!...

[ Continued ]