My friend Amanda...

What did I do wrong?

Something I said, something I did even?

What did I do to make you hate me so in only a few short days?

Mommy... Where are you?

You won't talk to me anymore.

Don't you love me?

Last night, I did an accidental binge when I was going out to eat for my house mate's birthday. I ate more than everybody there... Ugh, it was so embarrassing. I ate my food, and since we were eating sushi, my dad offered me a few of his rolls, and then there was the guy who sat in front of me who offered two of his peices. Then I continued to munch on the soybeans on the table when there wasn't any food left. I felt so uncomfortable knowing how much I ate.

Now today, I haven't eaten anything just because I don't want to eat in front of my house mates (like usual). Jose is dropping the kids off with their mom soon, so I can go eat something quickly. Is there even anything to eat in the pantry?

My mom hasn't uttered a word to me in 81 days, not about my grades, school, life in general, or anything. Clearly, I didn't deserve any attention from her just because I'm living with my dad now. I don't understand why I now have to beg at her feet to get her attention. Why aren't I worthy to her anymore?

...Don't you love me anymore Mommy?

So apparently, Zack asked out the girl he asked to Winter Formal. My respect for him just shifted dramatically, and if he ever tries to ask me out again, it's going to be a flat 'no' because obviously, he didn't care about me enough. I'm not going to be with a guy who considers me second to another girl, no matter what situation was going on. He didn't fight for me enough.

I'm printing out too much music. There isn't enough room on my bedroom wall for all of it... This is Halloween (Trumpet and flute duet) had to be left out on my sisters bed (she's not here anymore, but her bed is). I really need a music stand. The most annoying part of playing my flute is that my right hand keeps cramping and it hurts like hell, so... Yup.

It just is... with Zack, my health, Daniel, and everything.... wait for it to fall down, crush me in its wake. Allow me to die, because this may be only the beginning.

A can of corn
ramen
A bunch of crackers
oreos
milk
a sandwhich
peanut butter
a handful of cereal

...Over a guy.. I didn't know that he would be able to push me this far over the edge in one night.