I can be such a nervous wreck sometimes. I broke down in the middle of class because of exams (I got a C+ on my english exam) and I thought I was going to get a C+ overall grade (I don't know yet, not sure if she put in the grades). But anyways, in the rest of my classes I have A's (not sure about Spanish 1 though, haven't had my spanish written final graded yet). But I got A's on my science and math exams, a B+ on my AP human geography exam (I have a 93.4 in the class now, yay) and an A+ on my spanish speech exam. So that's good... But even more so...

I totally spazzed yesterday during dress rehearsal... because of David. Yay... Heather, Zahra, and I were practicing our trio for Hospice tomorrow, and while we were playing, a small crowd starting going up towards us.. I was fairly shy, so I stopped playing. They looked at me, and said "-my name here-, you're going to have to play in front of more people on saturday.." I said I knew that, it was just creepy that they all just crowded like that. So David comes up behind me (I thought he was going to the piano) and puts his hands on my shoulders super lightly, and goes "Well, at least I'm not being creepy like this..." Half way through that sentance, my legs gave out and I fell on the floor.

I
Hate
Being
Such
A
GIRL!!!

Beauty

In the eye of the beholder,
Therein lays the meaning of loveliness.
For Beauty is different to others,
What you believe is your own.
Yet,
If Beauty lies in the eyes,
Who is truly beautiful?
For physical beauty has no forever,
As even the loveliest of roses wither.
Could real beauty lie not in eyes,
But in the mind?

As truth of one is not found by sight,
You would have knowledge that every rose has its thorns.
For if ones true self lies inside,
This is the uniqueness of which ought to be valued.
Do not be deceived by illusions of your eyes,
And let your perception change by looking deeper.
For true Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder,
But in the mind.

Oh, how I despise cake. Recently I got into baking (hence why I brought many cookies to the class last wednesday) and my friend asked me to bake her a cake, so I did. It was a german chocolate cake.... And personally, I loved the way it turned out (I changed the frosting though!!) but it got me really sick because I had eaten too many sweets. I had a really bad stomach ache... So I purged it out. First time in forever, eh? Anyways, I purged, and the aching despersed (Thank you, God). I told my friend Stephanie about it (also a bulimic) and she started spazzing because I had purged even though I explained it wasn't because I was upset or being impulsive. Bleh.. annoyed a bit.

On Wednesday (last post) he pretty much pryed my life out of my mouth. In a way. I made 47 cookies for my classmates the night before, and I was eating them during the Lit. Arts meeting which was during lunch. After the announcments, I was just lost in thouhgt (Nick couldn't go, he was busy so I was alone) thinking about my next poem I should write. 4 minutes later, he walks up to my desk, gets on his knees in front of it and starts talking to me. He starts asking me if anything was wrong, or if something was bugging me (I'm guessing my uh... depressing poems kinda had him wondering) so he wouldn't take no for an answer. So he ended up taking me to the back of the classroom, and he asked about my family, so I told him. My messed up mother, all my numerous siblings (we have the same number of siblings) how my parents are divorced and such. In the end, he asked me to add him on facebook, gave me his phone number (I didn't even ask for it!!) and offered me another ride home... But just...

I FEEL LIKE SUCH A CHILD AROUND HIM!!!! Probably because of how old he is and how... I don't know, how he presents himslef. I go from bubbly and charismatic to acting like a scared little girl...That day before we got up to the back of the class, my legs were shaking horrifyingly bad (first time ever) and my face felt like it was on fire.. Just!!! NGGHHH!!!

And yesterday... there was an assembly at school. I didn't know about it untill... I ran into David. Right before 3rd period, we have silent reading. For my class (PE) we go into the performing hall to read, but in the space before you sit down, there was a bunch of art work that I absolutely loved. My friend steven was walking with me (he's socially awkward honestly) and when I turned around slightly to look at steven, I see david at the corner of my eye. I turn around completely, and there he is, in a Suit, red shirt, black tie. It was just.. embarrassing.

Sigh. My God, I feel like such a girl around him, it's hardly funny. He's just.. a nice guy. Everyone loves him, or at least respects him. A fan girl base of half the school, he's got his choice. I know he's out of my league, but still... I guess it can't be helped with a forming crush.

Excuse me as I crawl under rock and stay there. Just... today was....Woah...