I dont know where to go our who to be or who to become yet; in order to have a social life and be myself. I just had a great experience; A car was coming out of a church parking lot; I thought; why does it have to come out while Im walking. I stopped; I waited from a great distance; and an unusual feeling came over me. It was a sense of pride and power; I did not have to confront the car; I was at such a distance; that I was in control but did not have to interact with it; It felt normal; for a moment I felt in control of my life; not having to confront anything.
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I was headed to a night 12 step meeting; I got upstairs to the meeting; heard the yelling and laughter and just stopped. I thought; this is not me; and its not what Im looking for; never has been; I dont need to “ fit in” I just need to be myself; where can I do this. Im now curious of where. Thats the big issue inside my imagination; where; and Ill use the laws of attracting and scripting to see if I cant create a script off where Im suppose to meet people and see what happens.
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Ive been getting frustrated with the laws of attaction lately; because it seems that nothing is showing up.
I will try it with social stuff. See myself invited to parties; see myself meeting the kind of women I want to meet as social situations. see myself in better social situations.
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Ive tried it with money; and nothing showed up; nor houses or cars or women or anything. So; Im getting skeptical. I dont know.
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I guess Ill have to get better at being a manifest’r. ITs hard; I have to believe first; thats the crazy part. Im not sure where to go; Ive told the universe; where am I suppose to go to meet all these new people; where. where do I fit in; where. clues please.
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At this point Im getting old and tired. In a while; Ill be to old to date or do anything else. I dont know.
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I just need to rest and have a break; its like isolation is my friend; but isolation is not my friend; my life is just waisting away; Im not sure where to go or what to do about it; I keep asking the universe for help and Im not getting any help or any answers.
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Im getting mad. Ill keep at it.