I am 19 years old, about to be 20. and I've just now realized that there are other people out there like me. the ones who cant express their emotion like other. weather it maybe anger being sad or just simply stressed. I am what you would call a cutter. I don't do it because I want people to see me or help me, or even feel sorry for me. by cutting myself I am helping me; helping me feel better. its a away for me to release my anger, my stress. most of the time I don't even realize that I've started to cut until after I've done it. for as long as I can remember cutting has always been there. I think it might have started some where around 7th grade. but being that young you can pull it off as " no mom I'm fine I just fell" or " yes dad, I'm okay! I'm just really clumsy" but as you get old and more and more scars start to pop up, it get harder to hide. so I worked harder to find spots that no one ever saw but me.

I was reading on this website and it made me laugh because I felt like it was describing me perfectly, it was saying something like " when looking for someone who cuts one might find scars or fresh cuts on Thighs, Arms, and chest area" now please don't quote me but yeah. the reason I laughed was because the first thought that went through was head was " gee am I the predictable, is it really that simple for people to notice?"
I guess the one thing I've always been scared of is people finding out what I do to myself. there are only two people in my life who know what I do. the first is my boyfriend ( only because I tell him everything and I didn't want to lie to him about this) and the second is my best friend and that one was not by choice. not even my mom know. well maybe she does but just plays dumb so she doesn't have to deal with it.

I don't blame my mom for not wanting to deal with this. people knowing just how messed up in the head I am is really scary. yes I know there's a lot of people out there going through this too. but its not something I want people close to me know. well this is just a look at what im thinking.