I'm sick and tired of being manic. I know that's the cause of my insomnia, thanks to Cymbalta screwing me up. I was fine before - cycling between rage, depression and "normal" but now I'm stuck in high gear. At least before I knew what to do with myself. When a rage came on, I warned those close to me that I was in a bad mood (for no reason) and to just let me go about my business without bothering me too much. When depression hit, I would take an antidepressant for 2 weeks and be fine. At least I had long stretches of "normalcy". Bad enough as it is, because my meds made me "weird" according to my ex-husband, he divorced me after 16 years of marriage. He couldn't handle the diagnosis.

Cymbalta I was on for about a year and that's when I really started experiencing what bipolar truly is. Granted I knew something was wrong with me since my teens but I could cope with it without medication. Now I'm medicated and still experiencing mania.

Next psych appointment is on September 17th. I hope he has some ideas to make the mania stop. I want to feel something else for a change. Hell, I'll even take feeling depressed over mania. No offense to those of you suffering from depression - it's just an emotion that I know how to deal with. I don't know how to deal with mania on a day to day basis. I want to go back to 2005 when everything was going good for me in the world. Rage, normal, depression, normal, rage, normal, depression. That I could handle plus I slept well and woke up feeling pretty decent. Now I can barely make it to work on time and forget about doing my hair or applying makeup. I can barely get out of bed in the morning because I have a hard time sleeping at night.

Sigh...