My cutting isn't enough anymore. My razors don't produce enough blood. The cuts fade and turn white. I want something deeper, something redder, something permanent. I have an urge to cut off my toe, my middle toe. I've been obsessing over it for days, even ran the razor across it to see how deep I could get. My razors aren't sharp enough, but I know what is. Maybe if I write it down, I can see how crazy it sounds. I don't understand this obsession with blood, but I have to see more and more. Writing isn't helping.