It's sounds like a lot and it is.. but I'm on vacation. Constantly wearing short clothing and under supervision of my husband all day long. I don't do it when I am not alone. This is something of my own.

The hard thing is the urge because it is still there. I feel like crying all day because I can't SH. On the other hand I don't want to.. the last time brought me good visible marks. I really hate them and myself for doing that..

Still feel the need to see my own blood.. feel like I miss everything around me because of the thoughts. The keep my so distracted that enjoying my Holliday in *mod edit* gets lost..

Nineteen days is wonderful! You should be proud of yourself! Seriously, take pride in that- to me, that's a good motivator to keep it up.

Now, perhaps compared to many in the Cutting forum, I'm a causal self-harmer. But it seems to me that past a certain point of continuously abstaining, it got far easier, to not harm. Getting over that hump's the hard part. But after a while, the urges get more manageable- for me, anyway. And I get to appreciating not being marked up. I have scars enough already that sometimes get attention- I know I don't need any more, and save the self harm for when I just can't stand it any more. And so far I've managed to keep it a merely occasional thing- enough so, that I don't feel too bad about myself when I do fall off the wagon. Because I might go months without it again.