I tried to write another poem...useless
I tried to write ANOTHER poem....useless
I tried to clean the kitchen....useless
i tried to go to the shop....


Maybe i try to hard?

Questions fill my mind like i am running out of time..

I have tried to decide whether or not i should call down date or not all this weekend.

I haven`t heard from him.

I am a bit up and down about calling him.
I saw him once before when i was out and i ignored him for obvious reason(not ugly reasons).

I ignored him because he reminded me of a guy i worked with in hospital and i didn`t remember where i had him from, also i knew that our professional relationship was over.

He used to sit down when he came to my place, which i thought was a bit invasive.
I discovered that he was his still married when he delivered medicine to me.

I used to fake a phone call just to get him out of my flat.

So that is why i am unsure, and probably why he isn`t calling me(he probably asked for my phone number just so he could ignore me?)

So i was gasping at a possible date this weekend but he stood me up

The scene is a bit blury because he is someone i have known for sometime and i don`t think we were meant to hit it off.



I saw some months ago and i ignored him, then i saw in pool(he was outside it), and i just swam but then he wanted to talk so i gave him my number.
He used to be a care worker who came with pills to me when i was taking anti depressants.
My doctor didn`t want me to overdose them so he made nurses bring them to my door every night.
He was one of those nurses and he always wanted to be up close and personal when i didn`t want to be that with him.
So its really a case of uncertainty.
Now he hasn`t called so maybe he finally got it?


He was being too pushy! I kept telling him i wanted to swim but he didn`t want to end the conversation.

The knot is how i like to describe my life sometimes, peoples emotions and lives get tangled together and perform this emotional stress point where everything is tangled up together and you can`t escape.

The more you tighten it, the worse it gets. In the end you have to reach for a pair of scissors and bluntly cut above the knot, to save the rest of the thread(life).

It gets too complicated.

So this is how my family situation is.

A weird story about my life, chapter two.
Numbers, colours and maybe even specific letters can mean so much for an individuals life.

Maybe specially numbers because we use them to recognise special events or things.
Some win lots of money based on them and some lose.

If you have a high number in bank account everybody know you are a wealthy.

For me the number 3 has been following me around like it was implanted in my body!
I was 3 when my parents split up.
My mother had 3 children in her first and then 3 in her second.

I had 3 people with the same first name who all participated in my life in profound ways. Lets call them "Mary". Mary nr. 1 is my sister, nr.2 was a friend that ruined a lot of things for me a long time ago, nr. 3 was a therapist i had a long talk with.


Then there is another name that has also repeated itself, lets call them "Vicky".

Vicky nr. 1 was a friend i met at a school in my early twenties, we lost contact but met again some years later and became good friends until she slept with my boyfriend.
8 Years pass by and then i met her for the THIRD time in the fountain house
(I also met another friend there who i had gone to school with for 9 years, from i was 7-16, not to be mixed up with "Ann" later in my story)

Vicky nr. 2 was a friend of my mother who was also my boss for some years, i dated the ex-husband of her friend for a while, i didn`t know that he was the ex, i met him outside of that working place/environment.

Then while i was working for Vicky my old friend started to work at the same place(not Mary but a woman who has a THREE letter name haha.)

So the three letter named woman, lets call her " Ann", i went to school with her for 9 years, from i was 7 until i was 16.
We also went to the scouts together and we both had elder sisters who were friends, actually they were 3 siblings too.

Then after school i left for another city and didn`t meet her for about 5 years.

I came home and had been promised by another friend a place to live in a house she owned.
She didn`t keep my room until i got back home but instead gave it to somebody else!?

So a year goes, Ann who has been living in the house moves out and is looking to share a flat with someone.
That someone happens to be me, and i shared a flat with her for one and a half year, until we had an argument. Then 6 years later she turns up at my working place.

Of course there are more profound details here about my life, while i was working with Vicky and Ann, i went for a walk with my sister Mary and we tried to save a dog in the pond from drowning. It drowned .

(My sister has always had a quest in her to find out what is wrong with our family.
Its her way of coming to terms with the divorce and seeming more important then what she really is or should have been.)




The past has its own way to come back when you least expect it to, there are over 600 000 habitants in my city, so what are the chances to meet someone again?