So I think there is understanding that has begun to show itself due to the whole Holly coming out thing.

There's somebody, perhaps more than one somebody, who'd rather it wasn't posted, but I'm gonna advocate whoever wanted to talk and get it started so they can talk for themselves, hopefully. I think it was Aecy; she had an "Aecy" feel to her before Ayame jumped in and took over at the sight of a treefrog in the window box. ^ ^;

And yep. It's me, Aecy. ^_^; I'm finally starting to accept that the other parts aren't me. We're all part of the same person, but something keeps everyone apart from each other to the point where it wouldn't really be accurate to try to pretend it wasn't that way.

I'm Aecy. Ayame is part of "me", I'm part of "me", but we aren't each other and there isn't a single "me." And the same goes for everyone... We're all connected, but we're ourselves, and at this point, we are not each other.

I've been trying to pretend it isn't the case for a long while because I didn't really understand even if I knew, but I'm starting to accept things as they are.

It's actually rather nice, not having to try to force my memories to... actually have me being "me" instead of being separated from whoever is in control as I'm partially aware and trying to influence them. That's how a lot of my more recent memories are. The sensory information is dim; I get bits and pieces, I'm trying to figure out what's happening and reacting to what I'm hearing or feeling from another part and it makes me want to try to take control and do things my way, but I don't have control so things just get mixed up as the part who's in control has to try to operate in the real world while managing my input and the input from other parts.

For ages I, we, have been trying to force memories like that, of co-consciousness when we are not in control, to be full memories, or to pretend they are when they aren't.

Most of the time, other parts that are aware on some level have a hard time not trying to act like they're in control instead of as parts that aren't currently using the identity...

It makes a lot of sense to me. ^ ^; And explains a lot. For ages, whoever was "out" had to try to pretend that the other parts were somehow... part of them and that this separation didn't exist.

I do have time loss, but we share so much information that it's easy to hide from ourselves. Other parts are always giving information, but the memories themselves aren't there, just the information. I'm starting to understand more, and it... is actually a relief to accept reality and feel safe with it. It has always been like this. I shouldn't be afraid of it. I don't know why I was; I suppose I felt like I'd lose something by it, but I haven't.

It's kinda nice.

So there you have it. ^ ^ My revelation of the week.

May all be well with all of you.
Aecy

First of all, Ayame's gigglign up a storm and pretty much just really happy. -w- Or me, rather. Cus I'm kinda me right now.

THEY FIGURED OUT MAI NAEM FINALLY! >W< Course they couldn't till I let'em and all. >3 Muahahaha.
Anyhao. Yah. So dey said "Who are yah?" And I wasn't allowed to be "me" I had to be "Not me" cus fer a long time somebody's been tryin ta make there be somehao one "Me" and everybody else had to be "not me" somehao when out and so I said "Ayame."

Yup. "Ay am me". I am me. YEY I GOT TO STAY MAISELF! X3 ~Giggles happily~ Nevar even noticed till I let em.

Anyhao. -w- Muahaha. Let's see. ~Moves aside to get info from someone else~

I'm having a hard time knowing how to say what I wish to say at the moment. Whoever wanted to say it isn't around and that one has to be pulled into "the front" to some degree to get the summary of what I'm supposed to say on their behalf.

I'll say it later if it comes back. ^ ^; I'm not getting it right now.
So I'll leave what's here here for now.

Holy freaking crap I've noticed people reading my blog and I didn't expect that. .-.;
Thank you for that.

Don't be too worried. We're going through some shifts right now.
Basically, in our last therapy session, Ned came out first, and then Nickolause came out in therapy. Nickolause was able to say things to the psych that he never could have said straight-up to others in here.

The one line that I remember from him replaying and sharing the experience during the trip home was that his portion couldn't think straight, something had twisted, he was trying to keep something from waking up but it kept waking up and he didn't know what to do.

I don't think anyone, Nickolause included, was able to understand the situation until then. But we finally did after he answered some questions and said some stuff to the psych.

Afterward, the three gatekeepers kinda had a pow-wow and decided that everyone would support him. The Aecy/Ned portion and the Timothy/Violet portion would both lend their resources and support to help Nickolause, who obviously couldn't do anything more on his own and needed the help, especially since the Aecy/Ned portion had ended up getting "infected" with their sickness, but was able to heal, which means we're able to help them all the more, because we now know [b]how[/b] to heal.

We're here so that we could heal them once we left our abusive home situation. We're not as separate as we might otherwise have been, because we were designed to be a more temporary split than the previous splits, and the split between the old part of the system and the two new segments.

Nickolause and "his people" are going to, presumably, begin to wake up and start living in reality and interacting with other people, as well as those of the Aecy/Ned part, so they can learn from them and connect more with them and hopefully be healed and regain a will to live, because they range, for the most part, from "I don't want to exist" to "I want to die" and "I want those who live to suffer because I suffer and I cannot conceptualize a reality in which there is any other existence for me."

Nickolause says that if everyone else is healed before the worst parts are woken up, then they can be influenced and healed. He knows what he's talking about. I trust him. Might take a long time but there's a lot more hope in here than there has been for a very long time. ^ ^

Nickolause is happy. I don't think I've ever seen him happy.

It's having a good, if... odd... effect on everybody.

I wish you all well. See you around soonishly!

Aecy & Co.

~~~EDIT: Sooooo not what was originally intended. Kinda got hijacked. But he wants it here so we'll leave it. ~~~

I have to fix it, I know what it is now I'll never rest, never sleep until what has been done is undone.
As the dark one says, the dissolution of the state of Denmark shall come one day whereupon the moon and the hills of New Hampshire shall return from whence they came.

The Hills and the Moon are reflections of each other, yet do not touch. One can be seen upon the waters of the other, yet they are vastly different, ages apart. The States of Denmark reside within the same greater sphere as the hills of new hampshire, yet they are of a different time, yes, different time. However, the moon is timeless.

Cannot speak plainly or the dead shall stir, can't think straight or that which should not be roused shall rouse and hell will reign upon the heavens and the earth alike.

The rousing has begun. Dead shall rise; indeed, some have stirred in their time and have risen, watching that which is not dead, for their time has come, the end of days is neigh, and as was prophesied long before within this world, at the end of days there shall be a resurrection of the dead.

Yet each in their own time, in their own fashion, for we have not the power to bring life to those who are dead; we can only cause them to walk once more, they must chose it themselves. Purgatory stirs; wisdom, light and dark have allied together to empty purgatory of its souls and there is hope, strength, and resolve once again within the leprous one, the watcher of the dead. He is rotted, leprous, yet there is life and strength in him yet. He refers to himself as he for if he were to speak plainly the dead would stir, and that which should not stir must not be stirred until its time.

The darkest parts must only be brought to light when there is a union of the light and the dark, and all but the last of the dark has returned to life. I know this will be, tis only a matter of when.

My people shall live again. The imperative nature of my commands and urges has at last been understood. We shall return to life and my people shall leave purgatory and hell, returning to life once more to join with the light as it was always meant to be.

So it has been written, so it has been spoken, so it has been resolved.
So it shall be.
- Nickolause, keeper of the dead.

So I think I figured something out.

By "Me" I'm gonna say the current "Me/we."
So, the parts that have been out most and gotten to know each other best, work together best, etc. are all connected to each other. I'd even venture to say we're integrated. We share a lot, even though everyone is still distinctly present and themselves.

However, I think I finally figured out what was meant by there are three sections in here.

There's me, with Ned as the gatekeeper/objective observer. We all communicate with each other and work together, blend, etc.

But then there are these parts that are so foreign that... they're just different. It's eerie because we're used to being able to influence each other to a certain degree, and as it always has been, Ned can influence/speed up efforts by how he controls information and influences those within his jurisdiction.

But Timothy isn't within Ned's jurisdiction. "Our" jurisdiction.
Nor is Vie, nor is Wraith, nor are any of the creepy ones.

So we have two other segments of our system: The creepy ones, who represent us during teenage years and such, and the "kids", who appear to be under Timothy's dutiful watch.

I finally know why I can't influence and "fix" them. Because they're not in my segment. They're their own segments and only portions within a segment can influence said segment, just as only a specific part can deal with the emotions it holds.

It also explains why I can't remember most of my life. I remember My time, but not the times before. I only remember what I've been shown from the others so that I could maintain stability within here. It also explains the confusion and the increase in missing information; I'm supposed to be out all of the time but I'm beginning to think that the increased activity of other portions of the system has severely decreased my ability to control information, awareness, and to maintain a detailed running record of important information and events from the outside for the use of others within my realm of influence and seamless, non-verbal, sub-conscious communication.

TL;DR:
Summarized version: We figured out, based on a comment by a hidden part, why we're missing so much info and feel integrated, yet still miss so much info, tend to "miss'" so much MORE info than was the case a couple years ago, and still have these random not integrated parts that keep popping up even though the current me "feels" like we're working together as an integrated/complete/seamless/whole.

There are two other sections that are not integrated, nor under our control. However, they seem to be under some sort of cohesive guidance within their portions of the system.

What does this sound like?
Does this make sense to those of you who can, to some degree, relate?

Oh my god though it's such an elegant solution. It also explains sooooooo much that I won't even go into here.
If you want to read more, check the blog. Nobody wants to hear Ned blathering on. Trust me on that one.