So I think there is understanding that has begun to show itself due to the whole Holly coming out thing.

There's somebody, perhaps more than one somebody, who'd rather it wasn't posted, but I'm gonna advocate whoever wanted to talk and get it started so they can talk for themselves, hopefully. I think it was Aecy; she had an "Aecy" feel to her before Ayame jumped in and took over at the sight of a treefrog in the window box. ^ ^;

And yep. It's me, Aecy. ^_^; I'm finally starting to accept that the other parts aren't me. We're all part of the same person, but something keeps everyone apart from each other to the point where it wouldn't really be accurate to try to pretend it wasn't that way.

I'm Aecy. Ayame is part of "me", I'm part of "me", but we aren't each other and there isn't a single "me." And the same goes for everyone... We're all connected, but we're ourselves, and at this point, we are not each other.

I've been trying to pretend it isn't the case for a long while because I didn't really understand even if I knew, but I'm starting to accept things as they are.

It's actually rather nice, not having to try to force my memories to... actually have me being "me" instead of being separated from whoever is in control as I'm partially aware and trying to influence them. That's how a lot of my more recent memories are. The sensory information is dim; I get bits and pieces, I'm trying to figure out what's happening and reacting to what I'm hearing or feeling from another part and it makes me want to try to take control and do things my way, but I don't have control so things just get mixed up as the part who's in control has to try to operate in the real world while managing my input and the input from other parts.

For ages I, we, have been trying to force memories like that, of co-consciousness when we are not in control, to be full memories, or to pretend they are when they aren't.

Most of the time, other parts that are aware on some level have a hard time not trying to act like they're in control instead of as parts that aren't currently using the identity...

It makes a lot of sense to me. ^ ^; And explains a lot. For ages, whoever was "out" had to try to pretend that the other parts were somehow... part of them and that this separation didn't exist.

I do have time loss, but we share so much information that it's easy to hide from ourselves. Other parts are always giving information, but the memories themselves aren't there, just the information. I'm starting to understand more, and it... is actually a relief to accept reality and feel safe with it. It has always been like this. I shouldn't be afraid of it. I don't know why I was; I suppose I felt like I'd lose something by it, but I haven't.

It's kinda nice.

So there you have it. ^ ^ My revelation of the week.

May all be well with all of you.
Aecy