Dec 25, 2008
to my family of strangers

Current mood:creative
so i started these blogs to finally release the lies ive weaved into my mind and others. i didnt expect anyone to read them but i knew becoming public with how ive lived and the thoughts of torment would help me release myself from the mask i have worn for so long. basically im putting myself through self therapy. its been working very well. ive learned to hold back the voices, block my "what if moments" at least most of the time, ive learned to teach myself how to love myself and to learn how and why others can love me to. ive dealt with my anger and ive found something that helps block the fears i feel. i still have my psychotic moments but im much better than i used to be. i truly believe im on the right path, im a little off schedule but still made it back to the trail all together. this is going out to my family.... i know ive done terrible things in the past and most of you had given up on me......but ive owned up to the things ive done and i took responsibility for myself. i have been doing very well for myself for awhile now and all i want is some acceptance somewhere. i know i still do some things that you wouldnt approve of but i but the good intentions are still there. but the point is im done hiding. im not a badass, im not a screwup. im just a scared little girl whos tired of being scared. and pot helps me break through the fear, learn to trust, and even relearn how to smile again. im not a fiend, i know i dont need it but it help. but ive done nothing but smoke pot and cigarettes and nothing else......no more acid, coke, pills, and no more getting drunk. i think thats pretty good. and i have a job working at two different locations so i basically have two jobs. i support myself instead of relying on my parents. and i havent cut in over a year. im actually happy for once and all i ask is will you accept me and take the good with the bad? im willing to come to a truce if you are?