Dec 20, 2008
more fears of life.

Current mood:anxious
so once again i allow fear to run my life. its always something stupid too. i got strep and i broke my phone so i couldn't call into work at sbarros. well i'm better now but i was too afraid to show up or call in in case i already missed a day of work and i just don't want to hear them tell me i'm fired so i come up with saying that i meant to quit when i didn't really mean to at all. so i came up with a scenario.....i saw myself walk into the mall and seeing my bosses and telling them i want my last check and i would be brave and not freak out and start figiting and stuttering. but each time i saw myself go up to the door and then chicken out and run away cause i know the moment i walk through that door i'm going to accidentally make eye contact with someone and i'm going to hear them thinking about how terrible i am and then i'm going to start blubbering out a reply to there thought about how i'm not that bad and it was by complete accident that i quit and then they would just look at me like i'm crazy, then i would run out of there and never be able to show my face there again for fear that they would recognize me and the angry thoughts will start flowing. i just cant handle it. well I've thought through all the scenarios many times throughout the past few days and i finally decided i'm a ######6 pussy and i need to just stop being a dumb ass and just go up there. but then Tyler and tiny came home and they told me they talked to my boss there and that he understands and he will give me some hours when i get better. i didn't ask them to do that for me so i feel extremely loved lol. so thats one of my most recent fears but theres more.....there always is. but those will be told another time when i have the time to tell them.