Nov 28, 2008
bad drugs with good memories

Current mood:ashamed
so everybody knows im always messed up. what started out as wanting to look cool turned into an addiction. its a love hate relationship. i dont smoke cigarrettes cause i think their cool, in fact i think your a dumbass if you start smoking. i get out of breath to easily and im always coughing and it still burns my throat after all these years but i cant seem to live without them. i used to smoke pot cause i thought it was cool, but now im back into the old times, smoking it every day, im not for sure if ive been sober that much lately. i tend to depend on it to distract myself from the worries of everyday life. i used to love drinking my problems away but if you put a bottle of alcohol in front of me ill never let it go until its gone or until i pass out. i loved acid. i stole to make sure i was able to tripp everyday. it too started out wanting to look cool and i turned it into an addiction. i always thought i was strong but im obviously weak willed. i tend to do this alot......its another one of my oh so familiar cycles. ill tell myself i hate drugs so i quit for a little while until they are put in front of me again and the addiction starts up again. im a hypocrite, i tell people to stay away from drugs and i still do them. and knowing my weak self ill still be doing them years down the road. maybe one day ill have the strength. but thats an addict for you ill keep telling everyone that ill quit one day and that one day never comes or if it does then itll come to late. one day i would like to prove everyone wrong and actually do something right for once. finish college, get my degree, become a psychologist, maybe settle down and have children. but i just cant stay in one place to long. if only if only the woodpecker cried........