Now this is what amazes me. After such a terrible depressive state I was in for a few days, i am back in the top today. What the hell is going on??????? This is what terrifies me. The ups are so great, but the lows...they are so low...as low as it goes.... suicidal, hopelessness... It is so hard. So easy to see a future today, yesterday it was impossible. I have decided to take up on the medication I used for only 6 months (or less) 2 years ago. I cannot go on like this. More unstable than a zebra on a wire.
We can become so self destructive, and we make ourselves believe we are nothing in this world, and has nothing to contribute. Its time for me to declare myself defeated and be a nice girl and take my medication. Back then I took Seroxat, and as I stopped abruptly, I can not even explain the effects of that withdrawl......... I think I will try for something else this time, because the Seroxat took away some important aspects in my relationship...

Today I picked up my book "The Broken Mirror" !!! It is thicker than I expected and I am looking forward to start reading it.
Tonight I also saw the very last Twilight movie with a friend. Great and gross at times, surely entertaining movie.

Its very cold outside, but hoping I can start on my jog tomorrow. Jogging/running for long periods is one thing I really enjoy doing.

Now I will go to sleep.

Everyone contributes a verse to the overall chorus. From the very best of us, to the very worst. Unless you live in a cave and no one knows you exist, you're contributing a great deal to the people around you. Doesn't have to be all-good to be good overall as the contribution itself is often good. People born with disabling birth defects contribute by enabling those who interact with them the opportunity to extend compassion, people who need help with money enable those into giving charity to do so, etc. And people with ups and downs enable psychiatrists and other medical professionals with something to do so they can feed their families. The world would be very dysfunctional if we all lived and existed on some baseline of normlacy where nothing ever deviated or went wrong. As it is, the variations are how everything balances out. We all owe our very existence (and this universe) to this kind of normal variation. Without the variation, all matter in the early universe would have been equally apart from all others so nothing came together to form the first stars. The universe would literally be dead and dark without imperfection and natural variety. Works on the largest universe-scale, and on the very smallest with people.