Here is something for yous who think my life is walk in the park.

There is no will of life in me. How ever I twist and turn it, I cannot find a way out or any solution. When manage to go to school its ok, but then I come home, I become restless, I cannot focus on anything but my miserable thoughts, my miserable life, this life I was doomed to. When I get restless I take benzodiazepines and I go to sleep. For 16 hours. Stay up fr 3 hours, then I do it all over again. I dont want t be awake.
I sit and I stare. I avoid talking a longer time to my family, because I am scared I'll break down and hurt them too. I dont cry, I suppress, I feel empty.

I have a long life story behind me with not nice experiences, maybe I will share one day. I thought many years I had worked through them, and I do believe that I have, but what is imprinted in you, i am afraid will always be imprinted. It will follow you no matter where you go or how happy you are in a moment.

Today is a day that I have given up my hope.
I have had many of those days, yes.
I just woke up, but thinking if I should stay up staring at the wall all night, or take more benzos to go back to sleep again.

It is indeed a sad day.... but tomorrow I'll be better, no?