I really don't get my psychiatrist. I don't get her thought process. She called me today, which surprised the hell out of me since she didn't bother to call me when my therapist told her how bad i was doing and that my cutting was out of control. I thought she was being a good doctor and checking up on me, making sure that I was okay. But of course not, that couldn't be the reason. She called to tell me that she heard from my therapist that I got a script for xanax from my GP. And that she was mad that I went behind her back and got a medication that she didn't want me on. At this point my mind started racing and I didn't really get majority of what she was saying. She said something about just seeing my regular doctor for meds or a different psychiatrist. I don't know if she was trying to tell me that she didn't want to see me anymore or what. My mind tends to warp what people say into something different. I started to cry and panicked and hung up the phone on her. I regretted it the moment I did it. I waited 15 minutes and called up there to leave a message for her. And of course you have to leave your message with the medical assistant and so I left a voicemail asking if I needed to find a ne doctor. No response, which maked me feel like I am not worthy of two minutes out of their time. I ended up writing her a letter explaining my reasoning. I am going to send it tomorrow. I am hoping that she will call me back tomorrow. My fingers are crossed. I highy doubt they will since no one gives a f** about me. I just don't know if she is still my doctor, I really want her to be my doctor. I like her even though she threatens to take my meds away. She doesnt ever go through with them. Ughhh...

I guess I wait and see what happens.