HOCD or "I can't (I WONT) accept my homosexual feelings"?

jdd wrote:If those are coming out vids I will not watch them.

Of course not. I'd not watch them either. I didn't accept the idea of being gay. I just vowed, that if I will get to be gay in the future, then I will take the Vow of Celibacy (I will not make sex and will not date anymore, like a monk), so I don't have to worry about homosexuality anymore, I found a "safe" path of "escape", and made a principle.
Those video are about CBT and Intrusive Thoughts, I thought you'll be interested in this.

-- Thu Jan 21, 2016 7:59 am --

I feel very shameful and guilty right now... My mother is feeling bad, not too bad but bad. She didn't have relapses for a long time, she was perfectly fine, and now I feel that it's "coming back". I think I know that it's because of me, because I was aggressive with her and pulled away (figuratively) from everybody. I think she worried very much. She didn't even sleep all the night today, she had total insomnia. I have to change...

A vow of celibacy wouldn't make you not gay if it were true though. You'd just not be expressing your inner desires if that were the case. You'd still have sexual thoughts. The narth group you pointed out earlier was an ex-gay group. Generally speaking all they can do is the same thing by hiding a person away in a Christian church. I'll check the videos out when I'm not busy with school and therapy appointment.

Anyway, monks can live perfectly fine without sex and sexual desires, they just meditate, it helps them abstain from this life-style. Well, If I can do without it perfectly fine for now - I will be able to do it then. This idea about Vow of Celibacy helps me to not worry about my sexua lity, because "if something" I have a choice, and I'm happy with that. Firstly, I want to get rid of my Anxiety and Depression, and to do that I have to stop worrying, this is what I understand for now. I want to feel good.
I also have erection towards women, so maybe it's possible that I'll be perfectly fine after my treatment. I have few arguments that I'm holding on to:

1. When I was a kid I loved only girls. No thoughts about men. NOT ONE.

2. I have erection when I imagine sex with a woman, or watch porn.

3. I had many Erotic and Romantic dreams about women and girls. In those erotic dreams I ejaculated being asleep and I NEVER had erotic homosexual dreams. When I wake up after a Romantic dream, I am still feeling love towards that "imaginary girl", and I feel really sad, because I'd like her to be real. I guess that proves that in my subconsciousness I know that I'm not gay, and I will go with this idea.

I hope, if I will get rid of my Anxiety and Depression my feelings towards girls will come to life. But firstly I have to get rid of my obsessions, and to get rid of my obsessions, I need to have some insurance, some "safe-ground" to land on, even if I'm gay I want to have a choice and that choice is Vow of Celibacy for me, because I have an strict idea that:
"Men have Penises, Women have Vaginas, by nature it's made to stick a Penis and Vagina, so Women are made for Men by nature, and Men are made for Women."

While it helps me, I will go with that.

From that description you sound pretty straight when you're not bothered by this so I don't see the problem. A life style choice is merely not having sex. Being gay is more than having sex and not a lifestyle choice though. The desires will NOT go away if a person is.

You might be right that nature intended for that, but then why does it exist at all? They "claim" it exists in other species too, but there is 0 evidence to support this other than mere fact that they may have sex in rare cases.

I guess homosexuality is poorly studied. Homosexuals fight for the right of "not being discriminated" and I respect this right, because EVERYONE, a schizophrenic, an autistic person, an obese person, a black person, asian person, person with RARE gene conditions, EVERYONE deserves equality in rights! I accept the fight against the discrimination. But I can't accept homosexuality as something normal for me, because it is not studied so much and people seem to not be interested in that topic. I don't believe in "normality" of homosexuality based on the same reasons as why I don't believe in God, because there is not enough studies and proofs.

Yes it is poorly studied. But they are not "practicing homosexuality" either like its a choice, they are just human beings with a different orientation. So believe what you want, it may not be normal for you but it exists for humans and it cannot change once you are what you are gay, straight, or bi or ace. Believing in homosexuality is quite a bit different in believing in god and it does not mean you are or have to be either. Clearly you were brought up that it is wrong in some way so you do have some phobia towards it, but that still wouldn't necessarily make you gay.

Sure it exists, no doubt. I'm not telling that gays force themselves to be gay, or choose to be gay. But it is a rare thing. And in my completely subjective opinion, homosexuality is some kind of a rare psychological genetic deviation. If it were normal, then every second or third person would be gay. But only about 5% of the population is gay. But we also can't restrict their rights and we can't force them to do what they don't want to do. Anyway, homosexuality is not a danger for anyone.

-- Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:45 pm --

jdd wrote:Believing in homosexuality is quite a bit different in believing in god and it does not mean you are or have to be either.

I was not talking about the difference between homosexuality and god, I was talking about my attitude to the "truth", how naive it wouldn't sound.

-- Thu Jan 21, 2016 10:52 pm --

Can you check this article: http://www.mygenes.co.nz/summary.htm
And this site in general: http://www.mygenes.co.nz/index.html

I want to be objective and I'd like to hear your opinion on this.

The authors think their research has produced "important modifications to previous understandings of sexual identity stability and change." But this “understanding” (of immutability of sexual orientation) has chiefly been among the ideologically motivated, the concept of change having had huge support in the literature from Kinsey onwards. The present paper only provides further evidence of what has been true all along.

The probability of change did not depend on age, but stayed about constant at all age levels. It rather appears that change is the constant; even in middle age lots of change is occurring. This is probably encouraging to those, who for their own reasons wish to explore this possibility. For any human trait, the idea that no change is ever possible is a recipe for despair. However more than most animals, humans are organisms which learn. Perhaps one cannot teach an old dog new tricks, but humans constantly surprise.

-- Thu Jan 21, 2016 11:21 pm --

I don't want to develop this topic actually, because it's offtop.

My mistake, I didn't understand your not believing in. Ocd tends to come with distorted beliefs about the topic of your obsession.

jdd wrote:My mistake, I didn't understand your not believing in. Ocd tends to come with distorted beliefs about the topic of your obsession.

How do you know they are distorted? I mean, I'm not claiming that they are the truth, this are just beliefs, a privilege that anyone can afford while the truth is unknown.