HOCD or "I can't (I WONT) accept my homosexual feelings"?

One more video for you:
https://youtu.be/wirV265ZYSw

I found an interesting paragraph on wiki, about ego-dystonic sexual orientation:

The gender identity or sexual preference (heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or prepubertal) is not in doubt, but the individual wishes it were different because of associated psychological and behavioural disorders, and may seek treatment in order to change it.

So it is not really "closeted", but something about HOCD sufferers are afraid of.
So question yourself "Am I SURE that I am gay?".

First, wiki is an invalid source. Second, ego dysdonic orientation is not ocd.

jdd wrote:First, wiki is an invalid source. Second, ego dysdonic orientation is not ocd.

I wrote so many messages and you don't even mind to try to understand one of them correctly
(not accusing you)
Read carefully the quote from wiki, it doesn't say that ego-dystonic orientation is OCD. It says that if you do NOT DOUBT your sexuality, but just feel uncomfortable about it and wanna change it, then you may have ego-dystonic SO.
And if you DOUBT your SO, then you're likely to NOT be gay.

Well, I can't tell if its doubt for absolute certainty now but it has seems like it over the course of the year. But I believe it is because my mind doesn't come to a conclusion and stick to it. One thing that does happen to me which has happened for others is that I get the obsessive confessing with my mom and such and myself on occasion. But just because we doubt it, why does that mean it is not true? Still though, I would rather be in a mental ward or dead rather than live gay tbh. It does not appeal to me as a happy and exciting, fulfilling life so I don't see any reason for me to go out there and give it a try either.

jdd wrote:One thing that does happen to me which has happened for others is that I get the obsessive confessing with my mom and such and myself on occasion.

What do you mean by that? (about your mother) Can you clarify?

jdd wrote: Still though, I would rather be in a mental ward or dead rather than live gay tbh. It does not appeal to me as a happy and exciting, fulfilling life so I don't see any reason for me to go out there and give it a try either.

Strongly agree 100% with you. I can relate to it COMPLETELY.

I obsessively confess that I must be gay even though I don't have any reasons for it. It's just another compulsion afaik.

jdd wrote:I obsessively confess that I must be gay even though I don't have any reasons for it. It's just another compulsion afaik.

Don't you feel that you're subconsciously seeking help, with solving the problem, from your mother?
Maybe you hope, that by confessing to her, she may help you somehow.

-- Sun Jan 24, 2016 6:30 pm --

Don't you think it is a little bit strange, that people say "stop worrying about that" ?
How can you stop worrying about a problem that affects your sexual and romantic life? I mean... People are writing poems about love and sex, record tapes, make movies, photos, paintings etc.
Love is a very important aspect of my life (personally speaking) and I lack it for almost 5 years. I am a young male! I want love! Isn't it normal? How can I stop obsessing about lack of love?
My anxiety is mainly triggered by inability to love a girl, I'm desperately trying to fall in love with any girl I see around! Not speaking about sexual desire... As you said, I'd rather be dead than gay =)

I have an exam tomorrow, and instead of repeating the material and studying, I am obsessing about this $hit.

Its that it would be a reassurance seeking to her too.

Only 5 years? I've lacked it for 26.